Piranha 3D (2010)



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YES!!!!! I haven’t had this much fun at the cinema for at least a few months  Piranha 3D is exactly what i’d hoped it was gonna be, and then some! Do i bore you with the plot details? I suppose i should really. Hundreds of students have descended on the quiet town of Lake Havasu to celebrate Spring Break. Jake’s mother is the local sheriff, and he has hooked up with a porn director to show him round the waters, when he should be babysitting his little brother and sister. Jake is in love with this girl, who has joined them. All the students strip off to their bikinis and swimmers and have one massive lake party. The local sheriff and deputy (Ving Rhames) try to control them. Oh, and just days earlier Richard Drefuss gets swept into a whirlpool after an earthquake has opened up an underwater cavern and this lets out thousands of prehistoric piranha, and the fuckers are hungry

Richard Dreyfuss’ scene is a classic homage to Jaws, he is fishing, he’s a bit sloshed, and he’s singing “Show me the way to go home…”. From this moment, you know Piranha is NOT a serious film, but a whole load of fun and intent cliché’s to please horror fans old and new. Don’t be put off tho, Alexandre Aja has not lost his vicious streak, more of that later tho.  Now, for the first forty minutes or so all we literally see is gorgeous, and i mean GORGEOUS girls dancing, singing, swimming and getting pissed in their bikini’s. If there is a college that is made up of girls this fit, then i’m going, there’s not one ugly bird in sight  Added to the already monumental amount of female flesh on show, is this porn story which takes the sheriffs son, Jake, away from babysitting duties and into harms way. The porn actresses are Kelly Brook and real life porn actress Riley Steele. They kiss and play with each other, and in a truly inspired scene, play mermaids whilst rubbing up against each other, underwater, set to classical music. Aja has proved, finally, that he has a sense of humour, a sense of fun. Even Eli Roth turns up as non other than a host of a wet t-shirt competition. He is having the time of his life spraying gorgeous chicks, and we’re having a ball just watching!

All the fun and frolics soon turn, and Aja makes his statement that yes, i can do humour, and fun, and naked babes, but when is comes to violence and blood, try and top me!!! Fuck, when the piranha finally attack, it goes on for what seems like forever, and its vicious. Really nasty stuff, BUT its so crazily over the top you cannot help but cheer as a ginger gets bitten on the ass, a blonde has her tits ripped out, a penis gets eaten that spat out. Instead of being horrified, i was laughing, in a good way. It was just SO damned bloody and nasty, it was great, it IS great! Aja has not held back one bit. In another glorious set piece, a student, for some bizarre reason, takes out his speed boat and drives over both alive and dead students, and possibly causes more carnage than the piranha themselves! Oh, and then a girls hair gets caught in his propeller! Ving Rhames goes all Lionel from Braindead on us, and picks of a motor from a speedboat because he has run out of bullets! Oh, you just have to see this film to understand just how much fun  this is!

Even Christopher Lloyd turns up, as a crazy scientist and ups the comedy even more in a hilarious over the top performance. I could go on and on about how much fun this is but you really need to see it for yourself. This is the funniest horror i have seen in a long time. Aja, i take my 3D glasses off to you for giving me a right good laugh and a bloody great 90 minutes of boobs and blood! Seriously guys, this is great. The 3D aint all that great mind, however, it does make Kelly Brooks boobs look bigger! Go and watch, turn your brain off and enjoy!

Rating: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

Matt Wavish
About Matt Wavish 10125 Articles
A keen enthusiast and collector of all horror and extreme films. I can be picky as i like quality in my horror. This doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a classic, but as long as it has something to impress me then i'm a fan. I watch films by the rule that if it doesn't bring out some kind of emotive response then it aint worth watching.

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