PULSE 2-AFTERLIFE

Pulse 2: Afterlife (2008)
Directed by: Joel Soisson
Written by: Joel Soisson
Starring: Diane Ayala Goldner, Rachel Robinson, Todd Giebenhain

FILM

PULSE 2-Afterlife

CERTIFICATE:

15

RUNNING TIME:

89 Minutes

OUT NOW TO RENT AND BUY

WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT?

The dead have found a way back to our world – through mobile phones and WiFi – and the human survivors have taken to remote areas to escape. When a young girl goes missing, her father must return to the city to battle the dead and dying who have claimed her for their own…..

            THE HUGHES VERDICT!

And the award for worst horror film of the year goes too……………….

Readers I am being serious when I say that this is the worst horror film I have seen since 2001 Maniacs 2 Field Of Screams, and when my fellow friend Matt Wavish gets to review this he too will say this is his worst since a film called Zombiebeak entered into his life. Pulse 2 is to put in blunt one of the worst sequels in living memory.  It makes the likes of Blair Witch 2 seem a work of art compared to what is going on in this.  I was so bored and stunned by the lack of creative talent and plot drive from start to finish that I really can not believe I wasted a whole 90 minutes of my life watching this shite.  Its so bad that I was all set to write my notice to give to Bat and say I have no wish to write anymore for HorrorCultFIlms if my job is too watch films of this nature.  Yes I have seen awful films in the past, too many to remember if I am honest, but I have to put my hand on my heart and say that is would be up there in the Top 5 of the worst of all time—–yes, its that bad!

Now the original (a re-make to the Japanese J-Horror)  itself is not well known for being popular to the horror fans.  It did not do that well at the box office on release and it has not really gained much love after all this time.  I myself watched it a day before sitting down to watch the sequel and found it too be not has ghastly as I remembered.  It had some effective moments and the lovely Kristen Bell in it and it passed the time away quite nicely even though I have no need to want to watch it again.  The sequel though makes me want to grab my kitchen knife, scrape my eye balls from my socket, wash them in bleach and beg them to forgive me for inflicting such a sight on them.  I am telling you all, my eyes will never forgive me again, I can hear them now from inside my brain, yelling in pain and the words going over and over “why…why….why…why……”

 “Just look at the fake background and realise it gets worse”

So where do I start to even explain how bad this is.  Well the jest of the plot is this, Pulse 2 picks up some time after the original with which if you can remember, the ghosts of the undead have taken over the world, using their ability to cross over into the land of the living via wireless communication.  Stephen (Jamie Bamber) is searching desperately for his young daughter Justine (Karley Scott Collins). Once he finds her they head  towards the wilderness where they believe they will be safe from the ghosts but chasing their tale is Michelle (Georgina Rylance), Stephen’s estranged and highly unstable ex-wife but here is the twist and its not a good one.  Michelle is a ghost herself, and nothing is going to stop her from getting hold of her daughter for one more time.

And that is it for plot wise, but now you know please….please do not watch.  This is not a horror film, there is no scares of note just a ridiculous plot of a woman trying to get her daughter back.  Before all that though we have to witness probably the most painful first half hour of any horror film.  I mean we see Michelle just wandering around screaming for Justine and it took me a good 15 minutes to understand what was going on.

“Justine….Justine…..Justine…..Justine……Justine…..Justine”….is the only words we hear and just when you think it could not get more tiresome we then have to witness Stephen reading the Internet diary of Michelle before she died and listen to this self pity of “Why did he have to leave me!” shit where I was screaming at the TV “because you are a miserable bitch and If I was there, I would have put you out of your misery”  I mean I hated her, more than any other horror character I have ever seen, she was just so annoying that I started to spit at my own TV everytime she appeared on screen.  At one stage I had no spit left and I started with my clothes until all I had left on was a pair of pants which did not go down to well with my visiting in-laws at the time, especially the Mum who was sitting next to me!  “I think we better go now Alun” she whispered which I replied “You better had because if that bitch appears on screen again you be seeing something swinging back and fore in front of your eyes and its not the tennis!”….

Oh this is bad, even writing this makes me want to throw up.  The biggest crime is that at the end of Pulse the city was in chaos but in this the remaining humans feel free to just wander around without a care in the world.  When we do get to see them, the CGI is so bad that it virtually puts the trend back 10 years.  Think that effect at the end of Mummy 2 was bad, then you have not seen anything yet.  Most of the film is filmed in front of a green screen and oh boy, you can tell.  Its not so much bad but a downright disgrace and an insult to all fans who have paid for this DVD.

The illogical plot made we want to phone the studio behind this travesty and ask them “are you taking the piss?”….I mean the world is in chaos and yet Stephen pulls over and pays for Petrol?  We were told that all humans had to avoid computers and stuff, yet some of these characters use them because in their words “that is just an urban myth?”- what mate? have you taken a look out of the window recently, most of the human kind have been killed by ghosts who have come out of the computer…..how the feck is it an Urban Myth!

And do not get me started on the sex scene!

I really wish I could anything nice to say about this movie but I can not.  Its a boring film from start to finish that is littered with terrible effects and acting that is so bad (Rylance I am looking at you) that it will make you weep in despair at such shit.  The actors involved look bored, I was bored, even my dog was bored and you know the most scariest thing of the entire thing….that Pulse III is coming…a thought that scares me more than any second of this film which has the honour of being the first film I have reviewed on HorrorCultFilms to be given the dreaded no star rating….

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!

Rating:

[pt-filmtitle]Pulse 2 Afterlife[/pt-filmtitle]