SUMMER'S MOON-The Hughes Verdict: A Short Review

Summer's Blood, Summer's Moon (2009)
Directed by: Lee Demarbre
Written by: Christine Conradt, Sean Hogan, Travis Stevens
Starring: Ashley Greene, Barbara Niven, Peter Mooney

WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?

Hardened teenager Summer is on the road looking to meet her estranged father. Her only clue to his whereabouts is a letter from a rural community called Massey. Once she arrives in town Summer is rescued from a run-in with the law by a charming local handyman Named. The couple quickly hit it off and head back to the house Tom shares with his mother Gaia. Knocked unconscious by the demented family, Summer is bound with chains inside a box filled with dirt. Surrounded by lush plants, grow lights, human skulls and a girl on the verge of death; Summer is the latest flower in Tom’s “Human Garden”.

THE HUGHES VERDICT

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4mxnpwzIhk[/youtube]

There is a scene in the last season of Friends where its in the episode called The One with Phoebe’s wedding, now do not quote me on that, but as all they all start with “the one” and its the wedding, then I take a wild guess and say that was the title, in which Joey has been given the duty to give the hippie away, decides to take the father role too far. He calls her husband to be Mike into his bedroom and starts giving him a huge long speech about being part of the Family. Its a cringe worthy act that Mike can only reply by asking “is that from a really bad gangster movie?” in which Joey replies with his usual dim witted style “Yes!”…

Now I am not losing my marbles by mentioning that scene as after watching the first five minutes of this horror, it was a memory that shot straight into my mind. Summer Moon starts with a deep voice over, blabbering on about family, its a word that gets mentioned what seems over hundred times in a five minute dialogue that is worse than anything Joey could muster. Also it seems that the makers of this film were so desperate to get that message across, that the word is spoken through out the film. If we did not realise it before, then its spoken of again, the only thing that was missing is that a caption did not appear on the screen stating F-A-M-I-L-Y for the more thickest section of the audience.

Over on the wonderful Weird and Strange Thread on the Empire Film Website, a long standing member DJ actually managed to watch an horror before I could and he posted his always reliable review. He stated that the film was a “waste of 90 minutes of his life!”. Well its safe to say after watching it now, I know the man lied. For simply its a horror that seemed longer than the 90 minutes. In fact I put this film on at 8pm and by the time it finished, not only had Christmas came and went, but my kids had grown up, had children themselves and Horror Cult Films had become the greatest horror website after years and years of hardwork!

Ok! that was a bit far-fetched, but shezzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!! this film just dragged on and on and on and on and on…….

I should actually mention the film, well as the cover states in bold: Starring Ashley Greene from Twilight….now I have to admit “who?”. Before I offend any Twilight fans, I did watch that Vamp film, but I switched off after the half an hour mark. If I wanted to see a girl fall in love with a good Bloodsucker then I would just chuck on my Buffy collection, as in my opinion that theme as been done and will never be bettered thanks to the wonderful writing of Josh Wheldon.

Here Ashley Greene from Twilight plays Summer who after the death of her mother, goes to the small town of Massey to try and find her estranged father. She meets local guy Tom (Peter Mooney) where after he helps her from a run in with the law, she thanks him by bonking his brains out. The next morning she tries to leave the house, only for Tom to be something like a demented freak, who grows a garden in the basement and which he has girlsas his flowers!.

Yes you read that right…………..girls are the flowers!…………

Realising that she is a prisoner, the hardened teenager starts playing the game and is soon accepted into the family until a shocking secret emerges that threatens to tear the family apart! Shezzzzzzzzeeeeee!!!!!!! even I’m repeating the family phase now! That’s three times I have mentioned family in one paragraph…..ok now make that four!

Anyway if you want to see a film that is filled with stupid characters and dumb moments then this is the one. There is one laughable scene and the worse for me in any film this year in which Summer is standing Outside where her kidnapper is nursing a bad leg…..and she stands there. Just stands there. I actually looked in disbelief and then screamed at my television “RUN YOU STUPID BITCH” but she didn’t and I shook my head in frustration.

Its a long movie, with stupid sub plots where nothing happens. Honestly! it stays at a same pace through out and never borders the line of terror or suspense which its hard to believe as it touches on themes of Incest and Family Values….

Its not critical praise by saying this is NOT as bad as Walled In, but its nearly there. A terrible horror that fails in every department, and if I hear the word Family or even type the word Family again this week, then I will blow I’m telling you…..I will blow!!!!!!!

OVERALL: A Family movie of a Family of Freaks, who believe in Family Values and Like to keep it in the Family, despite the Family, not being a nice Family, and a Family you wish they could be much more like the Walton Family, now that was a nice Family, not like this Family, and not like this film which is not a nice Family film………………

Rating: