A WEEKLY FILM COLUMN BY ROSS HUGHES
I AM BACK BABY!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, that was not an awful impression of Arnie from T3, but a reference to myself who has just spent four weeks away from this site. No I have not been to prison or been lucky enough to win the lottery, but circumstances meant I have had to take an enforced break but now while I sit here in my office chair and working on a Saturday, it does feel great to be back. So while Bat has been great to me for having the time off….she has ordered me to do a long overdue Hacked 2 Pieces……..
Ah cannae believe it ryan reynolds is th’ new highlander
I can’t believe it Ryan Reynolds is the new Highlander. Having been cast in nearly every role you can imagine, from the X-Men pool, to Green Lantern, it seems now that Ryan Reynolds who I shall call Mr Good Looking is now being cast in the official role of Highlander. Now there seems a bit of an outcry because Conner Macleod is supposed to be Scottish and Ryan…I mean Mr Good Looking is er……not! But then that did not really stop Christopher Lambert in the original who did not even attempt an accent because 1: He couldn’t and 2: Because he had an all in entire his own accent that oddly fitted the role.
Highlander Mk II really intrigues me. Now I am totally against all this remake shit but if one franchise that could benefit from it then it is the sword bashing chopped off heads saga. The original is unique because its a cult classic that borders on awful but brilliant in whole one package. Totally ignoring its own premise “It can only be one”, the unexpected success brought sequel after sequel, all awful with the second part usually in the worst sequel of all time lists. Yes the franchise did spawn a popular TV Show that seemed to air in Britain in the early hours, but even when the star of the show Adrian Paul took over the film franchise, in a kind of Star Trek Generations spin….it still made no difference and I still have nightmares of watching Highlander: The Source which makes the first sequel seem like Sean Connery’s best film.
This new version is being directed by 28 Days Later helmer Juan Carlos Fresnadillo, and so there is huge potential there for a new saga to get our teeth into and with Good Looking still searching for the role that defines him, could Highlander actually be the film to look out for in 2014?
Either way….it has to be better than Green Lantern……
The New King Of Horror????????………………….
Ignoring the quite awful Cabin Fever 2, it seems Ti West is becoming in the HCF Office our new Favourite horror director. Not content with giving the world the brilliant 70′s style horror House Of The Devil, he may have outdone himself with his new film The Innkeepers, which has led to many arguments in the office about which film is better.
I doubt if I see a better horror film than The Innkeepers this year, its wonderful slow pace with a cracking atmosphere and there is not doubt that West can surely create this feeling of dread that builds up wonderfully in his names. For me personally I can not choose which of the two films is better. I love the style of both films but there is no question in my mind that his next film, if it is horror…will be the most important of his career. Why? Because if he pulls it off for a third time then there will be many in the horror circles who will start to believe that West is on his way of being the next great, a man who could be up there with the likes of Craven and Carpenter……….what West also needs is to get a film up there in the box office and take the world by storm. At the moment his films seem to hit the DVD Shelves because they may have only a small run in the cinema, something which disgusts me. We see Halloween Remake part 12 up there or the likes of Final Destination Part 25: Please Let The Killings End……dominate the top of tree but the likes of The Innkeepers gets missed by the masses…… Its time for West to get the reputation he surely deserves…….
Finally a bit of sense…………
Now this is how you reboot a franchise. There have been rumours of a Chucky remake for the last few years but now thanks to the news that Matt give you earlier in the week, Chucky is back….but in a direct sort of prequel. Don Mancini the creator of the whole franchise is bringing The Curse Of Chucky to the fans in a straight to DVD that wisely ignores parts 4 and 5.
Now I am not moaning about Bride Of Chucky, it still is one of the best films of the franchise for the fact it blends dark humour with horror to wonderful effect, but my issue was with Seed that smacked of too much jokes and because it tried to be clever with the plot, it forgot to be scary and even now I can not watch without weeping at what I am seeing, I mean come on….who really needs to see Chuck have a wank?
I really did not fancy a remake either, everyone knows how the doll became alive, so there is no reason to go through all that again and so I applaud the idea to have Chucky set before parts 4 and 5. Lower budget also means that Mancini will concentrate on a better plot and I expect the sixth film to up the gore and be the most darkest of them all with the added bonus of minus the laughs…….
I for one can not wait!
I guess you have been wondering why there was no Hacked 2 Pieces special about Prometheus? Well the fact is, I must be the only film fan yet not to have seen it. Everyone around me are split down the middle, “you either love it or hate” I have been told many times…..which is the most pointless advice I have ever heard, I mean its like that with every film you watch in it?….
One film I have seen doing my absence is The Pact and I still can’t get my head around that ending……email me please readers and help me out!
Bye Bye Sid……
It seemed then that Sidney is finally killed off. There was something out there which was more deadly than the blade of Ghostfaceand menacing phone calls…..it was callled box office figures and despite Scre4m making back its money, the fact it was not a worldwide hit has ended the franchise and it now heads of to TV land with MTV making a series in which they promise it will be like 90210 but with blood.
Well that is me out! I really do not want to watch a 60 minute show of teens who look thirty but acting 16, fall in love and have realtionship problems while one of them gets sliced and diced at the end of each episode. Harpers Island was a great slasher show that had the mixture set perfectly, this idea for me is just living on the Scream name and for that, this is one show I am not looking forward too!….
FILM GAG OF THE WEEK
“The doctor draws two circles and says ‘What do you see?’ the guy says ‘Sex.’”
So the doctor draws trees, ‘What do you see?’ The guy says ‘sex.’ The doctor draws a car, owl, ‘Sex, sex, sex.’
The doctor says to him. ‘You are obsessed with sex!’ He replies, ‘Well you’re the one drawing all the dirty pictures!’”
-What about Bob?
An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative.’So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent’s desk.`So you do bird impressions,’ said the agent, `what else can you do
EMAILS OF THE WEEK!
Post box was empty……come on guys, share us a gag….story…….or anything…..
if you want your email featured on the next Hacked to Pieces, contact: firstname.lastname@example.org
What to read at HorrorCultFilms:
Matt’s been busy with the DVD Releases for September…
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water…..check out the special Jaws feature by our Doc
Juan is getting set for Games Britannia….
And loads more……….
Words heard in the HCF FORUM…..
“Get off this website you vulgar, blasphemous monster! Never seen a Bruce Lee film? My mate, you haven’t lived. I’d one-inch punch you for saying that!”
Well would you believe I am starting the work for the annual HCF AWARDS 2012 which will be posted at the end of the year and so far we at HCF were discussing the best films of the year so far…….. I am stunned and sad by the lack of love for The Muppets……am I the only one who left that cinema with a huge smile on my face and a feeling of being back to my childhood? Was I? Hello……Hello……
Until Next time guys……