Ever wanted to be a goat? Now you can live that lifelong dream with Coffee Stain Studios’ GOAT SIMULATOR game.
I’ve been playing Goat Simulator ever since it first released on the PC and I don’t know why I’m only reviewing it now. Maybe because I’ve been having too much fun acting the goat.
So what is the game about? Well, you’re a goat in a small town and you’re given free reign to do whatever the heck you please. As a goat, you’re able to headbutt everything, rear kick and lick things with your super-stretchy, sticky tongue. The map is chock full of NPCs (Non Playable Characters) as well as vehicles and other props you’d associate with a town setting. Nearly all of these you can lick or headbutt with hilarious effect. If you headbutt a car or a petrol station, it’ll blow up, just like in real life. There’s also trampolines dotted around for you to bounce on, the best being one outside a house so you can essentially bounce through a window. Oh the lolz! To put it succinctly, the object of the game is to create as much chaos as possible as a goat with the game engine’s unrealistic physics adding to the absolutely bonkers hilarity.
Like the Tony Hawk skateboarding games, you can collect points for everything you do and there are some challenges set to beat but the most entertaining bit of the game is discovering what quests the developers have hid up their sleeve such as bringing 5 sacrifices to a pentagram painted on the woodland floor. These quests are moments of brilliance and will really make you laugh your socks off providing you stumble across them on your own accord – everything’s better when you don’t expect it. Outside of the little quests, normal things like sliding down a water slide into an empty swimming pool or playing in the low gravity centre are just as entertaining as headbutting and destroying everything and everyone in sight. I mean, that’s what goats do right?
Coffee Stain Studios are quite generous developers and added not one but two extra maps to their game for free! The first allows players to take their goat into another town setting with a fairground, where you can buy hats, meet DJ Dangermau5 and ride a bicycle – all the things you come to expect from the life of a goat. The second map is called Goat MMO Simulator and takes the mick out of RPG’s such as Elder Scrolls and the like with its illusion of a MMO. They’ve even included classes which you can select at the beginning of the map such as Tank, Microwave and Magician (Mage) with specific abilities for whichever class you choose your goat (or microwave) to belong to. There are quests to complete as in the original base map but with a fantasty twist that will surely amuse fans of RPGs. Considering it’s a free map, a lot of detail has sure gone into it to create a convincing world for gamers to play and create chaos in.
Away from the free maps, Coffee Stain Studios released a zombie map DLC called GOATZ which I’ve yet to play but after playing their free maps, I would expect more of the insane silliness to exist in that too.
With Steam Workshop, many members of the modding community have created their own maps and my favourite has to be award winning Abu Goat with the map set at the temples of Abu Simbel in Egypt. It has everything you’d expect from an Egyptian themed map as well as the obligatory T-Rex. With the tools available for everyone to make their own mods for the game, the possibilities are endless!
I could write a very serious review of Goat Simulator but the pure heart of the game means I can’t. It’s one game you have to experience for yourself. It’s one big ball of craziness but if you don’t mind the random attitude where destruction is king then Goat Simulator may just be for you.