CONAN THE DESTROYER [1984]

Conan The Destroyer (1984)
Directed by: Richard Fleischer
Written by: Gerry Conway, Robert E. Howard, Roy Thomas, Stanley Mann
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Grace Jones, Mako, Wilt Chamberlain

USA

AVAILABLE ON BLU-RAY, DVD and DIGITAL

RUNNING TIME:97 mins

REVIEWED BY: Dr Lenera

Conan and his companion, a thief called Malak, are brought before Queen Taramis, who promises the revival of Conan’s dead love Valeria, if he will undertake a mission for her. He’s to escort the Queen’s niece, Princess Jehnna, who’s destined to restore the jeweled horn of the dreaming god Dagoth. The magic gem Heart of Ahriman must first be retrieved. In order to locate the horn. Conan and Malak are joined by Bombaata, the captain of Taramis’s guards, who has secret orders to kill Conan once the gem is obtained. They first rescue Conan’s old wizard pal Akiro from cannibals, then free Zula, a warrior woman who also joins them.  However, Thoth-Amon knows of their approach…

As I said in my review of Conan The Barbarian, when I was young I preferred this sequel, which I saw first. And I’ll say that the lighter, all-action approach takes is closer to the Conan stories of Robert E. Howard, which is quite important really, even if Conan remains quite different from how he originally. But as I grew older it was the original which eventually supplanted the follow-up in my affections. The latter is a distinctly inferior film, though nowhere near as bad as general critical opinion seems to suggest. Taken on its own, it’s a solid fantasy adventure, with the ratio of fantasy to realism being probably stronger than it was in the original too, but that’s all it is. Barbarian had themes, a particular attitude which came from the views and personality of its writer / director, even some depth; Destroyer, helmed by the fairly anonymous though totally smooth and professional direction of Richard Fleischer, and scripted by others, doesn’t attempt to anything other than carry the viewer along on a series of action set pieces, with little room for anything else. I swear that if you watched both films back to back for the first time, far more of the things that will stick in your mind will be from the first, rather than the second despite passages in the former when far less is happening. The violence is lessened, there’s no sex, and Conan is a bit different too, toned down into a nicer, funnier barbarian, though to compensate Schwarzenegger’s body is on full display throughout, a decision made by Fleischer who thought that covering it up in Barbarian had been a mistake.

Conan And The King Of Thieves was the original title, and Milius was up for writing and directing, but didn’t want to work with producer Dino De Laurentiis again, so he recommended Fleischer who’d made one of his favourite films, The Vikings. Comic book writers Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway wrote a script, but De Laurentiis got frequent collaborator Stanley Mann to rewrite it, incorporating bits and pieces from Robert E. Howard’s stories, and old veteran Fleischer came on to direct. Barbarian production designer artist William Stout walked into the production office and said “What’s this stink in the film, oh it’s the script”, before throwing his own plot outline on the table: understandably was fires on the spot. Universal, thinking that Barbarian would have made even more money if it had received a lower rating, took more of an active role than they did in the first one; Schwarzenegger, who put on an extra ten pounds, argued against this, while Fleischer tried to stay on the middle ground. Filming took place in Mexico, partly on the same sets as Dune which was being filmed at the same tine. Sven-Ole Thorsen [Togra] got part of a finger almost sliced off by Schwarzenegger, while Grace Jones, who’s character was written as male but everyone thought she was female and she was given female costumes, would frequently injure stuntmen with her staff. Due to a miscommunication, some American journalists came on to the set and some cast and crew members dropped their trousers in protest, requiring De Laurentiis to prevent the production from being thrown out  of the very formal country. He “R” rating it got from the NPAA led to lots of cuts to the violence, as well as the removal of some of Sarah Douglas’s part as Queen Taramis, who originally sacrificed someone and had sex with Conan. Destroyer did well worldwide but not in the US, a reverse of Barbarian‘s fortunes. Conan The Conqueror wasintended to follow, but elements of it eventually wound up in Red Sonja and Kull The Conqueror.

After a similar intro by Mako, but this time over a beautiful sunset shot of mountains and desert through which riders eventually ride past, we cut to Conan praying before an altar, and the Conan we saw before would never have knelt down to so such a thing, so we have a significant change in the character already. He’s also got a new companion, a fellow thief named Malak, who’s bus counting tbeir latest hoard until they’re attacked by the riders we’ve already seen. They come equipped with nets as well as swords, seemingly out to capture Conan not kill him; Conan fares fine anyway, being now so strong that he can pull two men off their horses by grabbing the net they’re holding. Then he’s confronted by Queen Taramis of Shadazar, who tells him that she has a quest for him, which he initially refuses. She uses her magic learn his greatest desire, to resurrect his beloved Valeria, and promises to bring her back to him, to which Conan agrees to the quest. The queen’s niece, Jehnna, has been destined, due to a special birthmark, to find a special jewel that only she can touch and with it obtain the jewelled horn of the dreaming god, Dagoth. She tasks Conan and Malak to protect her on this journey, while her captain of the guard, Bombaata, is secretly asked to betray and kill Conan once the task is complete so they can sacrifice Jehnna to the god without interruption. All this is handled with top speed, and we’re soon on the quest, but this is the thing – things perhaps move too fast, at least in the first half. All the places that Conan and his companions reach are reached in such quick cinematic time that they give the impression of just being around the corner, so there’s no sense of travel. And – well – get this. The first thing that has be done is to rescue Akira because his help will be valuable, but, due to the film quickly cutting to the cannibals about to roast him, it seems that Conan knew exactly where to find him.

Next they free Zula who was being tortured by a bunch of townsfolk for tying to raid the town with some others. She also joins the quest, indebted to Conan for saving her life, though Bombaata isn’t too happy about it and he and Zula fight. Once that’s out of the way, the group finds its way to the wizard Toth-Amon’s icy castle upon a lake. When they camp, however, the wizard transforms into a bird of smoke and takes Jehnna during the night, in the film’s most atmospheric scene with simply perfect musical accompaniment. With the jewel now in hand they start to make their way to where the horn is hidden, and we get what’s perhaps the film’s finest sequence, a fight scene which also has an excellent build up Conan enters a round room and the door shuts, preventing the others from also going io. The walls are covered by draped which slowly rise up, revealing windows out of which red cloaked and hooded figures come out. Thy all form one who takes off his hood to reveal an ape-like demon wbo battles Conan, who just can’t seem to win, his sword just going through his opponenet, until he realises that smashing the windows might just achieve something, with the creature soon having bloody wounds all over him. Poledouris scores all of this brilliantly, going from mastery to peril to victory where a particularly rousing theme, never used anywhere else, comes in, It’s cool that it’s played by wrestler Pat Roach, who twice fought Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, though as a kid I was disappointed that Thoth-Amon, a major villain over many stories, had been dispatched so early. With the jewel in hand the travelers start to make their way to where the horn is hidden, but of course there are other perils in store.

Things only really slow down for a supposedly comedic campfire scene with Malak ribbing ointment in areas Zula feels uncomfortable, a besotted Jehnna getting Zula to show her how to fight to impress Conan, then Conan taking over, drunkenly rejecting her for Valeria before walking into a tree and knocking himself out. It’s a bit awkward and we’re not touched by Conan’s undying love for Valeria despite being greatly moved by that great funeral pyre scene in Barbarian. Malak is never as funny as the film thinks he is and is actually rather irritating, though the worst would-be funny scene is when Conan and Malal pass a camel. “Doesn’t that camel look familiar” asks Malak. “Yes it does,” replies Conan, before saying directly to the animal “I’m sorry about what happened to you last time”, then punching it down again in a shot also cut from UK versions. It’s vaguely possible, though unlikely seeing as Conan has probably had so many adventures in the interim, and that he was stoned at the time, that Conan had told Malak about his incident in Barbarian with that camel, but why would Malak ask him if the camel was “familiar”? Surely Malak wouldn’t be able to recognise the actual camel, and can one tell one camel from another anyway, unless you’re an expert in camels? And why would Conan, now established as far less of a barbarian than he was before, then knock the camel out, possibly kill it? It was just a lazy attempt to recall the original with no thought put into it whatsoever. Still the many sword fights are fairly good, not quite as well choreographed as before with a lot of relying on Conan swinging his sword, but still solid; a duel on horseback is a highlight. However, the film makes another mistake in building up Bombaata as a great opponent for Conan but having their climactic fight being one of the shortest fights in the film – though we do get to see Arnie’s ear being bitten for real, Chamberlain clearly not understanding filmmaking.

Two wizards growling as they sort of do battle is a genuinely amusing moment and could have been expanded. By contrast, when Dagoth comes to life, we’re almost in horror movie world, Dagoth, despite looking nothing like he did in statue form, being a nicely horrid Carlo Rambaldi creation, even though we newer get a sense of this supposed god being anywhere near as powerful as we’d been led to believe. The technical side of things is generally fine, with some excellent melding of miniatures with real scenery, and some impressive sets, especially for the ice palace, which looks both sinister and rather beautiful. The film is photographed lushly by the great Jack Cardiff, and his work is especially notable at the end where things truly gleam, but Fleischer just does a very professional job and no more; the single-mindedness of Milius is sorely missed when the two films are viewed together as an adult. Schwarzenegger is looser, less rigid, but also seem to have less conviction, which is understandable considering that he disagreed with the directions the film was taking, though saying that there’s still some blood and gore here and there. He’s not very bright, is this Conan; there are multiple times where he notices Bombaata attempting to deceive him, but just lets it slide for some reason. Sarah Douglas as Taramis makes a very strong impression despite doing little in the final cut. Jones is quite scary and all the better for it. I’ve already very positively mentioned Poledouris’s music, which also has a superb new rip roaring main theme, though he does also use a lot of slightly re-orchestrated cues from the proceeding film, and played by a smaller orchestra, though the former was because of a tight schedule. Barbarian generally nails Destroyer in terms of quality, but Destroyer certainly has its pleasures, and Howard probably prefers it.

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