Someone’s Knocking At The Door (18) (2009)
Runnig Time: 85 mins
Director: Chad Ferrin
Writers: Chad Ferrin, Roham Ghodsi
Starring: Noah Segan, Andrea Rueda, Ezra Buzzington
Regarded as a horror comedy, and a throwback to the old Grindhouse movies, at times you can clearly see why, other times you will find yourself confused and baffled at this bizarre little horror. Did I like it? I can’t tell. Did I dislike it? Don’t think so, but then I’m not sure I liked it either, it just existed for 90 minutes of my life. There are many positives, but I think the nagatives almost counteract them perfectly and neither out does the other. So, already I’m in a bit of a mess trying to decide if I should recommend this or not. Lets just say, read this and if you decide to watch it and hate it, don’t say I didn’t warn you, but if you watch it and enjoy it, then my work here is done!
The film is based at a medical college and after some brilliant, 70’s style opening credits which are all gritty, depraved and tacky looking, we head into the plot. Ray is doing drugs, some ‘heavy shit man’ and there’s a knock at the door (clever that, I used the title) and out of his mind he opens his dormatory door and see’s a rather attractive lady stood there completly starkers. Rather than question the whole thing, he lets her in and they get down too it, far too good to be true he looks baffled but happy. Now let me tell you, he didn’t look half as baffled as me, just what the bloody hell is going on!!! Anyway, gorgeous chick turns into hairy man with bad teeth who proceeds to ‘rape poor Ray to death’. And that is the basic plot, this man and his wife or partner or whatever, are people from the 70’s (the film is set in todays time) and have somehow come back, or have they? Ray is the first victim, and I will admit that the man on man rape was pretty damned horrible, and you even get a quick glimpse at his manhood and its feckin massive so he is clearly not normal. Its an upsetting scene, to be fair, and from this I had no idea which direction the film was heading.
We soon meet Rays friends, including his ex girlfriend who is now depressed and on medication, an irritating long haired knob head who wears dark glasses in doors and thinks he’s the bee’s knees, another knob head who is just a silly man, another girl and a stuttering black guy who’s stutter is so damn fake you actually want to throttle the bastard. Not a great cast then, and Ray’s Mother says it all at his funeral after she sobs her poor little heart out and points at them all calling them “Deviants!!!”. Remind me not to get on her bad side! Terrible actress mind.As the sun sets, dust is in the air, the family carry off the coffin and music plays, the sort of music you would get in a Western movie as the two main gunslinger’s are about to do battle, it all feels surreal, like the family are taking his coffin to war or something. The police close in and get them all in for interrogation which leads to some macho crap as the guys try to act tough, the police try to act tougher, and the blasted camera swoops around and wont stay still. In fact, thoughout the film, the damned camera has moments of strange wobbling around, as if the cameraman was in the process of falling over or something. It’s bizarre, and I don’t know if it helped the film or not. Anyway, it would seem that these rapists killers are back, they go by the name of John and Wilma Hopper and we learn that they were a bit mental when are main characters sit in a room they’re not supposed to be in and listen to one of the therapists tapes from the past. Split personalities aint even the half of it!
To say much more about where John and Wilma fit in and where this odd little story leads would seriously spoil your enjoyment, but all you really need to know for now is that John and Wilma start hunting the kids, appearing in front of them, often as a different person and then changing at the last moment. The films is incredibly sexually depraved in places, there are two man on man rapes, and oddly enough one of the girls is attacked by the female. Whether the makers felt a man raping a girl in the way he rapes the men was taking things a bit too far is anybody’s guess, but the woman attack is bizarre and gloriously hideous. She actually forces her victims head into her vagina and suffocates her!! Now if that aint mental, I don’t know what is! Thankfully the film keeps the comedy angle strong and some scenes are so over the top you can do nothing but laugh. Witness a big fat man chasing a girl down a freshly cleaned hallway. She keeps slipping on the wet floor and fatty’s snail pace run doesn’t stop him getting closer, but he is naked and his shlong is the size of a bloody cricket bat! To see this fat man waddling down the hall with this bloody great thing dangling between his legs is almost hysterical, until you suddenly think of what that ‘thing’ will do to the poor girl if he catches her.
There is not a lot of violence on offer, and the film is majoritively slow and a bit boring really, with bad acting and annoying characters. The interest is kept up by odd moments of really strange music that sounds completly out of tune, intentionally. The soundtrack has to be heard to be believed and sums up the film perfectly. Bizarre and completly lacking any formula or substance. It’s a mess really, with a bit too much going on at times with one guy seeing his dead friend, relationships, killer rapists and all the rest. It’s a film that tried too hard to be different and just doesn’t quite get there. It is certainly interesting, offensive, sick and funny, but sadly all those elements don’t always work together here.
[pt-filmtitle]Someone’s Knocking at the Door[/pt-filmtitle]