The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulu (15)
Running Time: 78 mins
Director: Henry Saine
Starring: Kyle Davis, Devin McGinn, Matt Bauer
Reviewed by Matt Wavish: Official HCF critic
I watch some crap, for the cause, and often I will happily admit to watching crap to save would-be viewers from losing that precious hour and a half of their life. Now, The Last Lovecraft is one of those films, but not one I am proud to have seen. See, usually, with the crap I can pick out stuff that’s embarrassing to the film and even though painful to watch, I can at least get some fun out of it. The Last Lovecraft quite simply has nothing!
I watched the trailer and thought, ooh, even for a failed attempt at making a movie based on HP Lovecraft’s stories, the film looked like it had one of those cheap and tacky movie charms that, even though piss poor, was still strangely enjoyable. It doesn’t have that, and the quicker this god damned movie finished, the better! There is nothing to like about this film, and surprisingly, NO real moments of badness to mention. It just exists and that is it, basically. Anyway, Jeff is given an ancient relic that is said to be the last line of Lovecraft which, falling into the wrong hands, would cause trouble!
Jeff has a dead end job in an office and, to be fair, the first twenty odd minutes getting to know the fella are charming enough. His work colleague joins him on his quest, but the silly film is far too staged, badly edited and badly directed. It doesn’t feel anything more than incredibly amateurish and so it is very hard to get involved. After being given the relic, Jeff sets off to hide it from these minions who are gathering to get the relic and raise Demons, or whatever it is they wanted. Silly actor’s in daft costumes and putting on daft voices trying to sound scary does not really do it for me I’m afraid, especially when done THIS bad!
A new character is added to Jeff’s gang, an overweight hairy twat who clearly has watched The Hangover and wants to be a certain character from that film. Listen mate, you aint, and no matter how hard you try to be funny, you are not. In fact, you are irritating and the sooner you die the better. Damn, this film is really bringing out the worst of me! Its awful, and even the promise of some badly done CGI monsters doesn’t save it, because when they do turn up, they look like the imagination of some two year old who has painted their parents face! God I hated this film, its silly, stupid and not even funny. I can see where the maker’s wanted to take this, but they simply did not have the budget, actors or skills to make it a reality. Avoid, like your life depended on it!
[pt-filmtitle]The Last Lovecraft[/pt-filmtitle]