PART 2 OF THE BEST 200 CULT TV SHOWS THAT REFUSE TO DIE! Ross Hughes dips into the past with this insighful look back at TV Shows you simply can not forget:

THE TOP 200 BEST CULT TV SHOWS THAT REFUSE TO DIE: Ross Hughes dips into the past with this insightful look at TV shows you can not forget.  PART 2

Everyone knows now that my idea of fun is watching humans get slaughtered by all means possible, but there is an inner part of me that can not forget the TV shows  that made me what I am today.  Series that have forever etched into my memory, many long gone and forgotten, but still played a part in my childhood, to the more modern ones that have thrilled me and have actually got me thinking “damn TV is better than cinema” at the moment.

So with that thought in mind, here at HorrorCultFilms I bring you the 200 TV SHOWS that have left a mark in my memory.  TV shows that I simply can not forget or do I wish too.

Please though do not judge me too harshly at some of the choices.  There are going to be some really WTF moments from your guys but please I am from an age where when I was a kid SKY was the thing that we looked up to outside.  When I was growing up I had the only pleasure of having three TV channels, yes THREE!!!!!  Unlike now where my kids have so much choices from I Player to freeview, my moments of pleasure was sitting around a small little box, waiting for the moment when we found out who actually shot JR

The list is going to be varied from cartoons that I have never forgotten, to TV shows that frightened me, to the ones that to this day I can never forget and proudly own, and before anyone asks, sorry I have still not seen it, so there will no mention of The Wire in sight!!!

In Part 2 of this insghtful look back, Ross looks at cat torture, one of the best 80’s cop and the end of an era for the best Doctor of all….

                                   AT 15:      DANGERMOUSE

Dangermouse was all that!

A superb secret Agent who lived in a red pillar box on Baker Street not far from where a certain Sherlock lived. Fluent in over 34 languages, including alien, he is also well trained in the Martial Art of Moggy.  Do not be fooled either with the eye patch.  It is not actually needed, its part of the suit he wears, and he is so strong that he can actually balance himself with one little finger. 

His partner, because lets face it, all heroes have partners, is a bespectacled Hamster and quite cowerdly Ernest Penfold, or as DM sometimes calls him, Jigsaw because of his ability to just go to pieces.  He refers to DM has chief, and he accompanies him on all missions that get sent their way through a television screen that bares out instructions from their boss Colonel K, who I thought was a Walrus but just been informed is in fact a chinchilla.  K is a very decorated officer who once climbed Everest on a pogo stick and at times seems to suffer from memory loss.

Other characters, entered the fray, too many to even mention here, but the memorable ones were Count Duckula who actually was born here and who ironically wanted his own show!  Professor Heinrich Von Squawkencluck, the inventor of the DM car and who is actually a mole with a german accent, and of course how could I forget DM’s arch enemy, Baron Silias Greenback, a toad who wants the world and DM not to be in it!

With catchphrases like “Ooh Heck!”, “Ooh fiddle!”, “Good Grief!” and “Penfold shush” DM was so English in terms of dialogue, even DM was modest in the work he done-“its only a job!” he used to say, but the beauty of DM was that despite it being a cartoon, it was a wonderful spoof that adults and not just children could enjoy his adventures.  Sending up everything from The Avengers, to James Bond, there was even a memorable episode in which the duo go to a planet and come across and egg that bares a remarkable resemblance to that of A L I E N .  But instead of the egg giving birth to a monster which Penfold digests, the egg opened and give the very worried hamster a lovely kiss.  There was also a memorable Raiders gag that saw the two being chased by a very large Snooker ball!

Some gags are totally lost on the younger minds of the audience, a show that had a wonderful balance to make all members of the family laugh, something in which The Simpsons is well known for doing.

Still popular to this day, but sadly despite a massive sale profit on DVD sales, not shown on any British channels for a while, DM is a perfect example of fantastic writing and creative talent for a children’s show, a vice that is sadly missing now on our modern TV with studios more concerned about showing chat shows or game shows between the after school hours.

It is also another memorable hit for a certain David Jason.  Expect the not so good compared to this spin off, soon on this list……..

             Next, and so the long scarf fell, sadly through not quite on the grand scale of David’s departure

 16: The Dying Doctor………
“Its the end-but the moment has been prepared for………”
Christmas I sat with my children to watch David Tennant bow out of the role of Doctor Who.  It was the start of the New Year, and it was an event my children could barely wait for.  It was the talk all over the festival season.  My daughter in particular was very excited, she knew the Dr was going to die but did not realise what would happen next.  My eldest boy had already seen the moment when Tennant had become the man who flew the blue box, but being even younger than my daughter back then, its a memory that is in there, but has no major impact.  This though was different.  I knew that this would be an event that would stay with them forever.  How do I know? Because I went through the exact same thing way back in 1981

As they sat in awe, the four knocks being revealed in such a tragic twisty dark way, I could not help but think back to this.  No matter what people say about the era of Russell T Davies, he knew how to unite a family in watching a TV show, my kids were never bored and even though I could question the many direction he went in (the Earth being pulled by the Tardis?) he struck a chord with the kids, he knew what they wanted.  He also give Tennant a send off that the man who some claim to be the best Time Lo
rd needed and what fans expected.
Those fans who have since deserted the show because of their idols departure and have only ever seen this era, do not know the tragic end of the man who really was the best Doctor.  Yes, all fans have their favourite, Peter Davidson is mine, my daughters is Matt Smith, its all according really who is flying the Tardis when you a certain age.  But even though I have loyalty to the Vet who loved cricket, I also know that such was the portrayal of the character by Tom Baker that I would be fool to even start an argument……Tom was born to play this role, and while I honestly believe that Matt Smith the new boy is showing signs of something really special, I can not imagine anyone ever taking the mantle off Tom.

Tom played it with such a force of energy, like a bumbling fool, to a child like stance while at the same time showing the much required darkness.  His love for Jelly Beans and eccentric speeches, stood him out from all the other personalities.  His dress sense itself, inspired by a French Painting by Toulouse Lautrec had fate written all over it.  His now infamous long scarf was only like that because the knitter was given a large ball of wool, and used it all, having not been told a required size!

When Tennant met Rose for the final time, and my kids looking on eagle eyed, I somehow started to feel sorry for Tom.  Yes this episode will forever be etched in my best childhood memories, but there is a sadness to how limp the greatest Doctor bowed out.  I know it was way back in 1981 but surely they could have come up with something more fitting than having him fall from a radio telescope,

Even the moment is spoiled now by his watching companions, with the most funny sight of two of them still looking up while the other is already looking down.  Back then I did not care, I was too blown away, not knowing a thing about regeneration, and like my kids, when the change happened, I was open mouthed.  It was a TV moment in history that I witnessed, like this year with my kids twenty seven years on…….

There is though an uncanny moment when he starts to regenerate.  Nyssa comments “So he was the Dr all along!” yes he was, and there has never been one to match him since……..
                                                                                               Next, you can’t beat a bit of bully

   No. 16 BULLSEYE
Its because of him that I have nothing to say about Bullseye.  The darts quiz show that seemed to be on forever on early Sunday afternoons.  Anyone who has watched Peter Kay and his stand up, will know that he really took all the best gags when taking the rise out of Jim Bowen and his best friend Bully.

This was a such a permanent fixture for Sunday nights, from the crap prizes to the £4 the contestants got from answering such dumb questions.  It was car crash telly that was so popular, damn  even I had the Bullseye dart set which the board flipped over from being a normal dart board to being the “IN ONE!” prize board!

From the all in denim contestants, which by the rule, one had to be a very good darts player and the partner never played in his or her life.  Which made me often thought, how did the producers know that?.  I mean, anyone can pretend to be bad at darts, so how did they actually know.  The fact that no one actually got away with this trick, shows how innocent the days were back then.  As to pretty blunt, the partners who were supposed to be terrible, were even worse than you could imagine!  Often costing themselves a fabulous Speed Boat or a Fitted Kitchen which of course led to many howls of “how do they spilt a kitchen between them?”
I would say more but its no point, and the fact that this is the first of many quiz shows to enter this memories blast, is a clear sign of how much crap I watched and remember from all those years back!

                                Next, He was not the type to kiss and tell but he was seen with Farrah, he was also on fire with Sally Field
                                          and went fast with a girl called Bo!

I might fall from a tall building, I might roll a brand new car, cause I am the unknown stuntman, that makes Redford such a star!”
The one thing I really wanted to do when I was a child, was to hang from an helicopter when its in mid air, an image that was shown every week in the pre-credits sequence of The Fall Guy, while the corny “The Unknown Stuntman” played on.

The Fall Guy was Lee Majors second massive hit on the box, his voiceover boomed over the beginning, explaining he was a Stuntman who never got the girl despite doing all the dangerous stuff.  He also worked part time has a bounty hunter, which shaped the show concept.  You see, the show would start with Colt Seavers (Majors) doing the stunt of a week before getting a job that would lead him to all kinds of trouble with the usual bad guys that were typical of the 80’s telly!

Somehow, and this was the clever part, on many occasions, the stunt that Colt would display at the beginning would somehow be repeated but for real, in the shows climax.  Helping him with fight against crime was his cousin the wonderfully named Howie Munson (Douglas Barr) and fellow stunt girl and show hottie Jo, who for some reason thought was played by Heather Locklear, but to my surprise is in fact Heather Thomas, yes I know….who??

But the star of the show was this……. THE COLT
A wonderful truck that was a GMC 4×4 pick up! A truck that all kids wanted and which I got (thank you Santa)…….

The show ran for five seasons which is not so bad for something that had replayed the same premise every single episode and there is talk of this now getting re-made into a feature film with shooting planned at the end of this year……..

                                                          Next, Meet the members of the One Two One club

“Well last week I bought a book about existentialism…….”
“Ralphie…you should have said….I know a builder!”

There is so much I have to thank Mike the Welsh rugby player for.  If it was not for him and his affair with a married woman, then poor John would never have come home to find a “Dear John!” letter, which would lead him to a colourful bunch of characters at the One Two One Club.
Dear John for me is the forgotten masterpiece from the pen of Only Fools John Sullivan.  A wonderful tale of a man on the rocks John Lacey played with wonderful affection by Hammer Horror Ralph Bates, who joins a local divorcee club led by Louise (Rachel Bell) a leader whose weird kick is hearing if the members have ever had any sexual problems, a running gag that never gets tired…..

We also have of course one of 80’s most forgotten characters….Kirk (Peter Blake) a much flash talker with cringe worthy chat ups who loves himself and thinks everyone loves him but later is revealed in a sad moment and inspired writing, as Derek Morris, a sad loner who still lives with his very powerful Mum.  Its a moment that was repeated a few years later in Red Dwarf with the CAT becoming Dwayne! But that was more played for laughs than the sad moment we felt for the character here.  With also Ralph (Peter Denyer) a man whose Russian wife done a runner as soon has she had her passport, and a few others, Dear John was one of the best sitcoms I remember, lost in between Del Boy and Just Good Friends.

Only two series ever got filmed, mainly because of the sudden death of its lead star in 1991. But it still to this day is remembered by those with great affection.  In an age where Sullivan was on fire with hit after hit,  this which is sadly not even repeated on the likes of UK Gold, is a hidden treasure, a series that if watched now would still delight and make you sad, characters full of life, with some great gags, just please do not confuse it with the horrid American version, which was, well pants!!

                                                  Next, Peter Gabriel did not inspire this most crazy law enforcement

If only we could.  The man who makes Gene Hunt look like Dixon Of Dock Green was one of the funniest characters on American television, won massive critical acclaim, but because of poor ratings which led to cancelation after only two crazy seasons, an action that retired the cop Sledge Hammer but also confided the character to the land of lost.  Forgotten while many more poorer creations went on to bigger fame.

Inspired by the Dirty Harry set of films by good old Clint, Sledge had only one friend in the world.  One that he truly loved and wished to have sex with, his 44 Magnum Smith Wesson Model 29.  He can not help but take this fine work of art, everywhere with him, often whipping it out and using it when required, being a San Francisco cop able him to get away with this, the fact he talked to the gun would have been a serious worry.  The fact his motto was “Shot first ask questions never” and his favourite charity is Toy guns for Tots, again shows this man was unhinged, someone who really should not be carrying a badge, never mind a gun!

The reason why this goes unnoticed, the reason why Sledge is not known in the all time hall of fame of hard bastards, is because the series was non other than a spoof, but wonderfully done.  Not a spoof in the league of Police Squad, but more of a satirical outlook of these kind of characters.  Sledge was a sexist pig, a real idiot, whose views were so badly misjudged that you could not help but laugh and pity the man,  It helped that it was so wonderfully played by David Rasche, his deadpan delivery of what was some crazy lines is one of the most underappreciated comedy portrayals ever put to TV land!

Every episode is set around his crazy actions, often leading to his suspension, not only did he cause harm to innocent public and the death of many bad guys, his poor partner Captain Trunk played by Harrison Page, often got the blunt, the slapstick violence often landed in every part of his body, mainly because of the fault of Hammer.  One memorable line that is often quoted by fans is the episode where Trunk finally loses his temper and calls Hammer every thing the character is, which Hammer replies in typical fashion “You called me in here to give me compliments!”……

The humour had a wicked side, there were many moments that tipped in to the path of In Jokes, way before Scream made it all fashionable.  In fact Sledge looking back, was a TV show, too far ahead of its time!  Summed up by the quite wonderful gag it played on the viewers for one episode in season two.  Going to an Ad break, the show came back with a message that by mistake, the following half was filmed in black and white but the producers had managed to recolor it! then finishing it off by telling the viewer that they would not have noticed!  When it came back on, the picture was all blue which led to hundreds phoning in with complaints, but getting a voice message from Hammer itself!  Looking back it was a genius of a gag, quite bold for the times, and like the series itself, forgotten for ever!

                                                                 Next, A Banana and a boy named Eric!

 This 29 Acacia Road, and this is Eric, the schoolboy who leads an exciting double life.  For when Eric eats a banana, an amazing transformation occurs, Eric is Bananaman, ever elert to the call of action………”
I remember shopping in Cardiff with my folks, it was a nice day, not too cold, and I was mightily annoyed, you remember the feeling, it was Saturday, the day for playing and enjoyment, but instead you being dragged around each shop, waiting for the words, “come on lets go home!”…..

I somehow remember this particular trip, I was a good boy, well behaved, and I was awarded with a Bananaman annual.  Now you remember the gag your parents used to pull on you.  Well I hope others do, otherwise maybe they were actually thinking of doing it? You know the one….”we gonna leave you here!” and they drive off, leaving you at the side of the road.  Now if none of you went through this pointless gag, then those sick bastards were actually thinking of leaving me and may have actually just changed their mind when they drove around the block!  Anyway this was a gag that often repeated has I got older, the other one was when you walk towards the car and they drive down a bit, then you walk a back to the door, and then they drive again.  I remember an ex girlfriend done it once and it must have bought back memories of anger as after th
ree times I actually called her a XXXXXXXX XXXXXX tart and she drove away for good……

Anyway when they left me on the side of the road, I had no care in the world.  I had my Bananaman book and nothing else mattered.

Why I told you that, I do not know, it just hit me when I started writing, I do apologise, so lets get back on track with the show.  Bananaman was a five minute show that tried its best to be as quirky and popular has Dangermouse, but somehow while popular in many quarters, did not manage to build a huge cult following.  The series was all about Eric Wimp, a schoolboy who when after munching on a banana would turn into the superhero Bananaman to fight super crooks.  Like Superman he came to earth as a baby from the moon which was crescent like a banana hence his super powers.  Yes not as bold as the origin of Clark Kent but each show were only five minutes long.

He fought against many bad guys like General Blight, The Weatherman, Doctor Gloom, Maurice of the Heavy Mob and many more.  His partner was a thick crow who often helped him to get bananas when he felt weak or in need.  The voice talents of Bill Oddie and Tim Brooke Taylor covered many of the characters with Graeme Garden the voice of our hero.

It was stupid premise but had such a wonderful charm about it, and the character would you believe is still doing the rounds in The Dandy strips……

                                                Next, an unlikely heart throb whose painting skills had all the girls in love

Jacko, yes him up above was a painter that had all the women in Britain in a sweat.  He was a loveable rouge, unlucky in love, and was the only reason why Brush Strokes was such a massive success even though he was not the actual star of the show!

“WHAT!!!!!” I hear to the howls and despair of the fans still waiting for the actor Karl Howman to turn up.  The last time I actually saw him in something was that awful ITV rip off of Friends, what was it called?  Babes In The Wood? Come on Rawls answer that one for me…….

Anyway, the real star was the landlord of the worst pub in the world.  Yes hats off to Elmo Putney (Howard Lee Lewis) whose stupid dumb observation of life, was a standout moment of the show.  You could feel the delight when Jacko and his painting partner Eric (Mike Walling) decided to pop into his pub, and you knew you were guaranteed a laugh in the next few moments.

It was a show about nothing, some decent laughs, Gary Waldhorn from Dibley fame played his boss, Jacko’s love life was a mess, its was a concept that lasted for 5 series, but as the theme song by Dexys Midnight Runners summed up perfectly, “It was because of you” Jacko that it lasted so long! 

Next, a quiz show that all made the contestants wear their working clothes, one reason why you never saw the sex trade as team members


“Lets go to the Destination board!”……….

Just a quickie this one, I can not remember too much about it, only the fact it was dull, and that when Sarah Greene departed the quizmasters chair, she was replaced by Elton Welsby.  My memory is also a bit vague, but I remember two teams, both wearing their work clothes.  So one week we had a team of nurses and a team of Dinner ladies, the next week, a team of actual Bus drivers against a team of Traffic wardens, well you get the idea.

They were mostly asked general knowledge, mixed with questions about their jobs, and I remember the embarrassment when some Nurse got her question wrong about general first aid…….so if you ended up in the casualty on a weekend and saw her coming towards you, then just friggin panic……

But nothing beats what the star prize was.  Yes Rawls was spot on when he called it dumb.  Well in fact he was being quite nice, it was not dumb, it was crazy, stupid, idiotic, a case of thinking “why the heck would you go and enter this quiz,” the only quiz show in which you beg for a Blankety Blank Cheque book and pen!  What was the prize I hear you cry… was a working holiday.  So whoever got through the questions and won the show, would then have the luxury of going aboard, to WORK in the jobs that they are doing now….

WHY? WHY? WHY?……….who the heck came up with that premise, and of course each show, we would see a segment of the previous episodes winners, working in the hot sun and smiling so falsely when you know that they were thinking “I want to go home!”…..

To show the popularity of the programme, I do remember and episode where celebrities took part, I am sure the Home and Away crew were part of it, against who though…I can not remember…..

                                   Next, a Liverpool lad on the run with the lovely Debbie, that led to a shock ending

“Its Charlene and Scott……Brookside way!”……..
Probably the one entry that will have everyone shaking their heads and thinking What is this?  Well it was one of the first British spin offs from a Soap Opera.  Damon Grant (Simon O’ Brien) was a long time and very popular character of Brookside whose love for the lovely Debbie McGarth (Gillian Kearney) led to them running away from the Brookside Close and into their own special three parter that ended in shocking and quite tragic fashion.

Debbie was a young posh girl, under the age of consent who fell for the more street rough Damon much to the disgust of their parents, and realising that they could never be together with all the interference, decided to run away to the streets of York, to start a what they hoped would be a forever bliss life.

Of course this was Brookie we were talking about, where the word happiness is banned from the writers, and the three parter was quite a bleak affair, and shocking at times, especially has these two were back then two very popular characters that were taken into the hearts of the public.

Not quite as bleak as late Brookie, it seemed that everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong, but there was no denying a strong chemistry between the two leads.  After
losing all their belongings and with the two sets of parents on their trail, the two lovebirds decided to go back to Liverpool only for poor Damon to suddenly get stabbed and then dying in the arms of a screaming and sobbing Debbie….

Leaving all fans of Brookside open mouthed and stunned at what they thought was going to be a happy ending!

                                             Next,  a game show ready for the dustbins

   N0.24 321
Coming towards the end of this quiz, the two remaining contestants are given a cryptic clue from the performer of that night, in this case a Wishbone….here Ted Rogers says the clue to go with the wishbone….are you ready for this!…..

Take one that never changes, add a pub and a precious stone, bring them all up to date on now you on you own”….
Now the contestants have to work this out, and make sure that the object out of the three on the table is not Dusty BinDusty of course is the bin above that is the bogey price of the game show 321.  In this episode, the contestants study that clue and then decide that it must be the infamous bin, how they come up with this is anyone’s guess but they do and the wishbone is rejected….this is when Ted Rogers comes in and explains the clue…….if you do NOT WANT A HEADACHE THEN PLEASE LOOK AWAY NOW……

“Take one that never changes, well of course that could be Dusty Bin,  because that is the place you may wish to throw your wishbone.  Add a pub and a precious stone? well that does not account for Dusty Bin, Bring them all up to date and now you on you own.  Well, what about that wishbone? Well its a large wishbone so where does large wishbones come from?  Something larger than a chicken! Turkey maybe? Now one that never changes is a constant, a pub can also be an inn, there is a lot of precious stones but how many go with the constant inn?  How about opal? Yes, Constantinople, the pride of Turkey, you have just rejected the 321 star prize, an holiday to TURKEY!!!!!

In normal circumstances for quiz shows, a look of despair will be on the faces of The Contestants when they realise that everything they have worked for has gone……here its replaced with a look of WTF and a “how the heck are we supposed to answer that“…an image that forever made me laugh way back years gone!

Add the infamous hand gesture, you know…3 fingers…turn you hand swiftly, 2 fingers, then back again to show 1, some really crappy performers, that really should have been chucked into that bin! and 321 was Saturday night luxury, with Ted Rogers in full swinging form, telling jokes that belonged in a Carry On film that somehow had the audience in the studio, but sadly not at home, laughing like they have just been told the best joke ever! They hadn’t, and contestants that were really thick to realise that they could answer these kind of questions and when they do, they come out like this:

There is this German composer, English by adoption, Best known for his oratorio published in 1971.  You bound to know his Handle!”
“Oh, I had this at school, it was called a Handel’s water music”….
“Ok….so who was the composer?”…..
“I have to offer it to the other team!”
They really don’t make them like they used too……….

                                                                        Next, it was all a dream!………….

This is such an obvious choice that I somehow feel  embarrassed to include this in my list.  But it was such a, well how can I explain it, a mindless head twist that back in 1986 it not only made all fans of Dallas spit out their Soda Streams in shock, but also spelled the start of a decline in one the most popular Soap Opera’s on the telly.  Its all very well bringing back Dirty Den but to be fair he was never seen to die, just a gun shot and a splash, here we actually saw Bobby Ewing die.  Run over by his sister in law, Katherine Wentworth, and dying in front of his watching Ewing family, it was a sad moment for fans who considered and quite rightly that along side JR, Bobby was a one of the main stars of the hit show! 

His death made the show weaker, the following series had a dip in ratings and in sheer panic with the help of Larry Hagman they had the dumb idea of bringing Bobby back, in a case of everything that went on in season 8 which included, miscarriages, bombs going off in the Ewing Office, deaf children (a rare sensitive subject) was all part of a dream by his wife Pam, who woke up one morning to find her once dead husband in the shower……yes, 1550 minutes all part of a dream that must have been a very, very long night sleep for our Pam?

The term Jump the Shark as never been so fitting for a TV series, a moment that completely destroyed the creditability of a once popular show, but an image that as never, ever been forgotten, but saying that the close encounter that is coming next, is even worse than this…….

       Next, a car breaking down, a man in a silver suit, and the greatest piss take by American writers

This had to be the biggest joke ever put to an audience.  The final ever episode of The Colbys a spin off to  the then Number One Soap Opera in America Dynasty or as I once called it Die Nasty (cough ok it was funny when I was 10), had Fallon (Emma Samms) be whisked away by a UFO!  No seriously, for the entire episode we saw her seeing lights in the sky and then when driving across a desert (like you do) her car breaks down and soon a HUGE UFO comes down and opens their doors.  As you can see from the picture above, their budget went towards the UFO shot and not enough left for an Alien, so they had a man in what seems a silver suit pointing to the floor for reasons that we never found out as quite rightly the show was axed straight after……damn just as it was getting good!

Between 1983 and 1989, ITV showed some sense in bringing a children’s programme that highlighted up and coming talent in the acting field.  No  it was not called  Britain’s
Got Acting
, but this, the quite nicely named Dramarama, which showcased an episode each week of varied genres that were scripted by future writers like Kay Mellor, Paul Abbott and also spawned TV hits like Children’s Ward.  Some were hit and miss, the acting quite awful at times but there is one episode that has stuck with me.  It was one of a young boy who had a large mirror in his bedroom and every time he looked in it, he swore that the reflection back was not doing exactly what he was doing!  Of course at first we the viewer suspected it was just all in his mind, but a scene when he walked away from the mirror but the reflection of himself stayed in the exact same spot filled me at the time with terror.  The tale also had a massive sting at the end, in which the young boy found himself inside the mirror while his reflection took his place in the family.  It was such a staggering episode of supreme chills that looking back, it had more class and skill than the poor Hollywood blockbuster Mirrors which virtually shared the same theme!

                     Next, not much scares my horror senses, but this tap at the window had me crying for my mummy………

  NO.28 “THE TAP AT THE WINDOW” Salem’s Lot!
“Open the window….Open the window….Mark!…..Open the window Mark!…..Please! Let me in! Its Ok! Mark I’m you friend!…”
I saw many horrors which you lot know, but nothing and I mean nothing unnerved me as this scene in the TV movie Salem’s Lot.  Even now, while its dated quite horribly, it still strikes a chord of impending fear through my body when I watch it.  It starts with a mist, rising up to the window and then out of it comes the shape of Danny, recently bitten and now of the undead, targets his young friend Mark…..its the tap at the window and the calling out that makes it a stand out scene and its wonderfully directed by Tobe Hooper.  Expect a full review on my other thread any day soon……

                           Next, Its not what Simon says, its more of what a badly drawn cat says……..


              “MROWRMROWMROWMROWMROWMROW”  copied from Rawlinson
That poor cat.  No wonder he sounded like Tinkywinky going cold turkey from his addiction of tubby custard!  That poor badly drawn kitty with an equally weird looking friend who looks like an offspring from a brother and sister, were the Governments idea in the eighties to warn kids of the dangers they are in.  The fact that all the danger infected the poor cat meant that I for one was never scared to go out without telling my mum but was a bit anxious when watching Corrie that the moggy on the roof top would  fall off and break its neck on one of Bet Lynch’s ear rings!

The cat which you can see by his poor tramutised eyes on the picture above was drowned, burnt, and anything else you can thing of, the only thing it made me do was phone the RSPCA to beg them to help Charley from this quite demented kid who seemed to think he was Dr Doliitle as when Charley screamed in pain “Mrowrmrormrowmrowmrwo!”, this kid thought he was speaking to him to warn us not to do the same.  No mate, he wants you to phone the vet, he just had a hot drink tipped over his fur, he does not want a fish…he needs medical attention!…..somehow the ads worked though, somehow these become timeless in the minds of 30 year olds everywhere.  I am just glad they did not do one warning us of sexual diseases…….

                                      Next,  Love and marraige with a lot of canned laughter

“Gee Al, I am horny!”….”So am I, but you don’t see me bothering you with it!”….
Even to this day, I still love Married With Children.  Now, not for anyone to get confused, especially if you took drugs in the early 90’s.  This was the TV comedy show that starred Ed O’Neil has Al Bundy, not the crap British version starring Russ Abbott which was called Married For Life…..yes everyone have I brought back memories of that shit fest.

Anyway, Married With Children was a comedy masterpiece when I was a kid, ok not as sophisticated as the likes of Frasier, but it carried enough sexual innuendos to fill up the the entire half an hour running time.  Al a once famous high school football player now living the life of suck, selling women shoes while his wife nags him for sex, a daughter who is sex, and a son who does not know the meaning of sex.

Typical jokes like “Dad, you can not put a dog outside for winter its inhumane!”   “No son, Inhumane would be to force him to work in a shoe shop on minimum wage and then come home to a red haired shih tzu!”…made me giggle (come on…I was a child!) and the show is more infamous for the canned laughter that made the supposed to be TV audience laugh out loud at small things like Al closing the door or flushing the toilet as witnessed in one Simpsons episode.  Of course the whole nature of the comedy of the show is summed up perfectly in one episode of Futurama in which Katey Sagal who played the wife of Peggy (whose unmarried surname was Wanker!?)  also provides the voice of one eyed  in which in she marries an alien called Al and they start to bicker about sex and marriage while three aliens sit on a sofa and laugh and cheer….it really is one of the best in-jokes ever!

Often dismissed as cheap TV, Married With Children ran for a staggering ten seasons before being cancelled, and while looking back it was nothing but a modern day Carry On, its a comedy show that I have great affection for, and that friggin theme song by Frank Sinatra has stuck with me forever…..

                                   Next, its not BSKYB, or Virgin Media….its a satellite station with Agnus Deayton

About Ross Hughes 1939 Articles
Since my mother sat me down at the age of five years of age and watched a little called Halloween, I have been hooked on horror. There is no other genre that gets me excited and takes me to the edge of entertainment. I watch everything from old, new, to cheap and blockbusters, but I promise all my readers that I will always give an honest opinion, and I hope whoever reads this review section, will find a film that they too can love as much as I do! Have fun reading, and please DO HAVE NIGHTMARES!!!!!!


  1. My parents never left me or drove away like that. They probably thought you were going to do a Michael Myers on them. 😯 😆

    OMG! Dusty Bin! I had a Dusty Bin were the eyes, nose and mouth come off and you had interchangeable parts. Bit like Mr Potato Head but Dusty was 10x cooler.

  2. The Fall Guy’s being shown on TV at the moment. Never seen it before but I like it a lot, great fun.

    A few of these I’ve not seen. Of those I have, Bananaman and Dangernouse are the best. I also had a Dusty Bin toy!

  3. Did you know the awesome Network are releasing Dramarama: Spooky soon? The spin-off version that was dedicated to scary stories? :- 🙂

  4. Salem’s Lot is still my favorite vampire movie- despite it’s age. I disagree that it is terribly dated (what movie isn’t after 30 years)? Mr Barlow was one of the most horrifying creatures ever! And James Mason played Straker perfectly.

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