LESBIAN VAMPIRE WARRIORS – On DVD From 25th June 2012

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Lesbian Vampire Warriors (2010)
Written and directed by Dennis Law
Cantonese Language with English Subtitles

LESBIAN VAMPIRE WARRIORS tells the story of Ar (Lu-Xia Jiang), a teenage vampire hunter who’s quest is to kill all vampires who prey on humans using her vampire scent sense and her lightening fast combat skills. When not staking vampires through the heart, Ar hangs around with ‘vegetarian’ vampires Max (Chrissie Chau), her brother Rex, their young-at-heart, womanising father Lung and two of their friends. The young vampires moan about their emotionless existence, lacking the ability to feel pain or enjoyment and wander aimlessly around the city centre searching for the elusive thrill. Their boredom comes to an end when vampire cannibal Mung, a curious vampire dressed in traditional garments, starts to attack Max and her friends. When Ar realises he has enslaved and transformed her sister So (Pinky Cheung) into a vampire, Ar joins forces with Max and her family to defeat Mung and save herself and the entire vampire race.

Lesbian Vampire Warriors is a fun, teenage title from Hong Kong that was release in 2010 under the name of Jiang Shi Xin Zhan Shi but UK distributor Arrow Films has picked up the film and are releasing it in the UK on DVD with English subtitles and with the new name of Lesbian Vampire Warriors. I’m assuming they chose this name, rather than the Vampire Warriors as it’s more commonly known as, due to the popularity of Lesbian Vampires. You will therefore be surprised to learn that there are no obvious lesbians or lesbian scenes in the film! However, the two main characters, vampire hunter Ar and best friend and vegetarian vampire Max are quite close and could possibly be an item, though it’s never confirmed in the film itself. This is just a tiny, non-important issue, one which I gladly overlooked as the film is quite an enjoyable romp. Although the film hasn’t the sharpest of scripts, it certainly pleases with its mixture of humour, martial arts action and tales of friendship and morality.

You’d be a fool to think this film just starred actors. Instead this film’s stars are accomplished martial artists. The protagonist Ar is played by Lu-Xia Jiang, a Wushu champion, whilst vampire villain Mung, is played by Wah Yuen who is a martial arts chameleon having worked with Jackie Chan and starred in a copious amount of films including Bruce Lee’s Game of Death, Enter the Dragon and Fist of Fury. There’s plenty of hand-to-hand combat scenes in the film where Ar must fight the human bloodsucking vampires and the vampires themselves must defend themselves from the ever-powerful Mung. The fast paced but cleanly edited fights get your blood pumping as your eyes watch in awe at the skills of these characters. A fair bit of wire work is involved in the film with the vampires and even Ar herself float-flying to their desired location. Think Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and you get the idea. It’s also refreshing to see a lack of guns in this film, weapons which seem to populate much too many films nowadays. The only weapon to be wielded in Lesbian Vampire Warriors is Ar’s stake which she uses to kill the blood-thirsty vampires.

Whilst not a comedy, Lesbian Vampire Warriors had its fair dose of subtle humour sprinkled across the film. In one particular scene, vegetarian vampire Max resorts to eating a rabbit after the Corgi she bought was devoured by her hungry brother. She lifts a real life white bunny rabbit out of the hutch and then lowers it back in to fetch another. She pulls out the second rabbit but this time it’s a stuffed toy.  She sinks her teeth into the plush neck and draws blood. This made me smile as clearly the filmmakers didn’t wish to harm real animals or have them man-handled so resorted to using a toy, even though it’s obviously fake. Other laughs come from Max and Rex’s father, Lung, who’s trying to pull younger women by dying and styling his hair and dressing in trendy clothing, but his luck always runs out as his ‘beloved’ and ‘beautiful’ girlfriends always find out the truth. My favourite belly laugh came from quite a different scene, which I suppose is a little gross. Max and the other vampires have a talent of sniffing out blood, from those humans who are dying to flowing blood or wounds on other people. Whilst loitering around the town centre at night, the group come across two teenage girls. One of the female vampires sniffs up into the air and proclaims, “Menstruation!”. How I laughed. Even the vampires in the film commented on how perverted the character was for smelling the girl’s period.

The film is very light-hearted and enjoys poking fun at itself. It’s not meant to be serious, it’s meant to be an entertaining teen flick and it serves that purpose tremendously. Definitely worth a watch and a suitable, ass-kicking alternative to the Twilight vampire saga.

Rating: ★★★☆☆

About Bat 8062 Articles
I love practical effects, stop-motion animation and gore, but most of all I love a good story! I adore B-movies and exploitation films in many of their guises and also have a soft spot for creature features. I review a wide range of media including movies, TV series, books and videogames. I'm a massive fan of author Hunter S. Thompson and I enjoy various genre of videogames with Kingdom Hearts and Harvest Moon two of my all time favs. Currently playing: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, Yakuza Zero and Webbed.

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