OK, I can just about accept Total Recall, I am pretty excited about Robocop, and I suppose I am willing to give a remake of Poltergeist a chance, but this here news just takes the biscuit!
Universal have been planning a remake of David Cronenberg’s legendary headfuck movie, Videodrome, since 2009, and sadly it looks like it just might be going ahead. Ehren Kruger, who to be fair made a promising start to his career, has had a script written for this remake for quite some time now. Kruger began his career promisingly writing films like Arlington Road and Scream 3, but things went downhill fast after the painful borefest The Skeleton Key, the truly hideous Brothers Grimm and both Ring remakes, and he has also written such brilliance as Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and Dark of the Moon. In fact, he was SO good at writing those two ultra crap movies, he has writing duties on the fourth Transformers film. So yeh, my first choice indeed to write a remake of such a classic film as Videodrome!
What makes matters worse if the fella who has been asked to direct is someone with no experience at all with feature length films! Adam Berg, who is currently in talks to direct, has a history of directing music videos for bands like A-Ha, Graham Coxon and The Cardigans. He got recognised in Hollywood after working on commercials and short films, one of which was called Carousel and had a “Cronen-esque vibe” We have the short film at the bottom of this post for you to see if Berg is really up to the task, but personally I can’t bring myself to watch it. Why? I’ll tell you why, because I want to pretend like this is all a bad dream and is not actually happening, because once you read what they have planned for this remake, I reckon you will be spitting bile and swear words for the next month!
Now, just so you can compare, here is the synopsis for Cronenberg’s classic:
“Sleazy lowlife cable TV operator Max Renn discovers a snuff broadcast called “Videodrome.” But it is more than a TV show–it’s an experiment that uses regular TV transmissions to permanently alter the viewer’s perceptions by giving them brain damage. Max is caught in the middle of the forces that created “Videodrome” and the forces that want to control it, his body itself turning into the ultimate weapon to fight this global conspiracy”
Now, as you all should know, Videodrome is a chilling, creepy and totally bonkers film that doesn’t exactly explain itself in an easy way. It draws the viewer in to its world cleverly to the point that you don’t actually realise how deep you have gone until it is too late. The film is very clever, and fascinating and works brilliantly on its limited scale and stripped down, bare bones horror. Now, read this:
“When Kruger and Daniel Bobker (producer) set it up at Universal, they planned to modernize the concept, infusing it with the possibilities of nano-technology and blow it up into a large-scale sci-fi action thriller”
What? Fucking nano-technology I suppose could make sense, but a large scale action thriller? Let’s say that again shall we: A large scale action thriller!!!! Jesus Christ, I don’t even have the words to describe my anger at this daft and totally unnecessary idea. Utter, utter madness I tell ya. Can we please stop this remake nonsense quick!
By Matt Wavish