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Written and Directed by Dpyx

A couple on vacation arrive to their log cabin to find it’s already occupied by another couple. Unfortunately for Susan and David, the pre-existing guests are criminals on the run and they’re intent on getting out alive with no-one to stop them.

Thriller NOBODY CAN COOL aims to be a tense survival experience with its main characters a couple who happen to find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time but unfortunately what we have instead is 95 minutes of mediocre, empty verbal threats back and forth between the two sets of couples.

With sound issues that caused me to crank up the volume and still struggle to hear the conversations, the film seriously lacks strong dialogue to grip the viewer. Most of the time the criminal couple Len and Gigi are haplessly threatening Susan and David then squabbling with each other over their injured comrade who’s bleeding out on the bed upstairs. I’m sure the Chuckle Brothers would make a better criminal duo than these two and that’s saying something. Apart from a handgun being pointed at the couple, Len and Gigi serve no real threat, especially with Gigi’s enormous pregnant belly getting in the way of her criminal duties. It’s so hard to believe these guys got away with their lives, never mind a safe, during their robbery but it seems their ineptness post-robbery is enough to be their downfall.

Len and Gigi aren’t the only problem characters here. Susan and David are just as bad as they unconvincingly turn on one another and in some weird twist, Susan actually begins to get along with Len. It’s all very cringeworthy and I was struggling to make out whether I was watching a comedy or a thriller, the line blurs that much.

Besides from a few foot chases here and there, NOBODY CAN COOL offers very little to the viewer and struggles to keep the audience entertained. It feels as though one scene has been stretched out to fill the running time as nothing really develops in the duration of the movie. Due to this, its lacklustre script and weak set of characters, there’s nothing here I can recommend is worth seeing.

Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

About Bat 7758 Articles
I love practical effects, stop-motion animation and gore, but most of all I love a good story! I adore B-movies and exploitation films in many of their guises and also have a soft spot for creature features. I review a wide range of media including movies, TV series, books and videogames. I'm a massive fan of author Hunter S. Thompson and I enjoy various genre of videogames with Kingdom Hearts and Harvest Moon two of my all time favs. Currently playing: Tembo: The Badass Elephant, Yakuza Zero and Payday 2.

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