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PUBLISHER: AFTER MOVIE DINER PRESSS
PAPERBACK
231 PAGES
I’ve probably often said how I fell in love with Hammer films while sneaking downstairs late at night to watch them TV, spurred on by a book owned by my stepdad called Horror Movies, written by Alan Frank, which talked about some of the films and had exciting illustrations too. This was in the late ’70s / early ’80s, and back then there weren’t that many books that did such a thing, the first serious look at Hammer, which also took in the whole subgenre of English Gothic cinema, being David Pirie’s A Heritage Of Horror in 1973. How fantastic that book must have been to fans who’d put up with critics mocking, disliking or just ignoring this rich brand of popular cinema. Back when Hammer first began to take the box office by storm, many reviewers considered the films to be disgusting. “For sadists only” was one comment made by a critic who thought that the ‘X’ certificate that The Curse Of Frankenstein had wasn’t satisfactory. However, some time later things changed and almost suddenly we were swamped with tomes about the studio and its output. Be it cheesecake glamour showing off the Hammer ladies, deep studies that revealed themes and meanings in the films that had never occurred to me, or encyclopedic delves into production with more on-set photographs than some of us ever dreamed we’d see, the variety was amazing and wonderful. I bought some of the books, and some I didn’t, my bookshelves also having other movie-related specialised subjects that required a lot of space such ad James Bond and Godzilla. When this site’s webmistress Bat informed me, being the resident Hammer lover, that yet another book on the subject was out and did I want to review it, me feelings were a mixture of interest and trepidation. Obviously I wanted to read it, but surely pretty all that was worth saying about Hammer had already been said, hadn’t it? It would be very hard for a new writer on the subject to take a fresh approach, wouldn’t it?
Of course the title A Bloke Down The Pub Bangs On About Hammer Horror did give the impression that this might be a bit different, but I was still dubious. After all, the drunken pub bore can be a right pain, whether you’re in the alehouse with a group of friends who you don’t want to give the impression this this is the type of no-hoper that you also hang out with, or a lady friend of who it might be in your best interests to pay full attention to, or are just on your own and fancied a quiet two or three in a nice environment, perhaps watching the football if that’s your bag, or maybe just chilling with a book, perhaps this one [and wouldn’t it be amusing if the resident barfly asked you what you were reading?]. Reading a book that just tried to be the equivalent of such a person going on and on about a particular subject didn’t strike me as something that would be a particularly rewarding exercise. However, writer J. E. A. Wallace has done something that’s quite clever. Remembering that the spoutings of a pub drunk can, at times, also contain true wisdom and deep insight, and also clearly wanting to show off his writing skills [which are considerable judging by this book], he’s also written his reviews of Hammer’s horror and horror-related movies in a way which proves to be very successful and rewarding. They tend to either latch on to a theme or an aspect that many Hammers have but which is especially particularly pertinent to the film being reviewed, or take an unusual angle on a film and have the whole review based around that. For example, The Revenge Of Frankenstein tries to create awareness of the poor [remember they usually get killed] boozers who populate the environments of these films who are busy “cracking jokes, ogling barmaids and making bloody daft decisions”, while The Mummy is based on the idea that, actually, Kharis was given a raw deal and maybe we ought to feel at least a bit sorry for him.
Things commence with an appropriately humorous introduction by Jon Cross who I guess is the head of After Diner Movie Press the publishers, who claims that he was in the pub one evening when he heard a voice that said to him, “Hey did I tell about the time I almost met Ralph Bates”? before going into the film Twins Of Evil. Then it’s on to the reviews, first up being Dracula Has Risen From The Grave. No, these reviews, which probably reflect the order in which many of the films came up on NetFlix, are not in chronological order or grouped into categories, but aren’t we a bit bored with such books beginning with the likes of The Quatermass Experiment or The Curse Of Frankenstein, and, unless we’re old enough and lucky enough to have gone to see these films at the cinema when they first came out, such ordering rarely reflects the order in which us fans first encountered them on TV. My first Hammer was actually One Million Years B.C. which was shown in an afternoon; it thrilled this dinosaur lover in me even if he found it ridiculous that it depicted dinosaurs living alongside cave people. My first horror was one of their last films, The Satanic Rites Of Dracula, which isn’t really much like an archetypal production from the studio. It was followed by a double bill of The Curse Of Frankenstein and Dracula, then Rasputin The Mad Monk and Dracula A.D. 1972 [no, I can’t remember what I had for dinner yesterday but I can remember the order in which I saw my first few Hammer films]. The Dracula Has Risen From The Grave review is followed by The Gorgon, then The Two Faces Of Dr Jekyll, and so forth. Some of the early reviews are quite short – I might have wished for a bit more on The Gorgon but then I’m just biased because it’s one of my favourites – and we must remember then The Bloke Down The Pub does often take a while to get into full flow, the first couple of pints not really loosening the tongue to any great degree.
Dracula, Prince Of Darkness explores the point of view of Klove and why he waited so absurdly long to revive his master. Countess Dracula takes the point of view of a producer who sees the film’s qualities but knows that it needs more horror. The Quatermass Experiment focuses on the attitude of British folk to Americans at the time. A pearl of wisdom, sometimes a moral, even a comment on life itself, concludes each review, many of which are extremely well structured while still allowing for lots of enthusiastic prattling on. Some of the latter contains grammar which admittedly isn’t quite right but which fits in perfectly here, even if there are a few typos which should probably have been corrected. Wallace doesn’t have kind words to say about Michael Carreras [“The director who I would cheerfully have film the moon landings if it meant he never came back”] and Tudor Gates, so he lays into The Curse Of The Mummy’s Tomb and Lust For A Vampire, but does it amusingly and eloquently. He really does have a way with funny sentences. “Their ancient, unquenchable, despicable will is going to be snuffed out by Peter Cushing armed with nothing but a small leather bag and a very nice hat”. “The lead vampire looks like he’d be happier playing Dylan covers in a Soho coffee shop”. I always love reading opinions which diverge from the norm, and there are a few here, Wallace truly on fire when he’s defending something like Frankenstein And The Monster From Hell. That’s not a film I’m particularly keen on, yet while I was reading the review Wallace was definitely succeeding in doing what any really good writer should do; making me understand his point of view so that the words “Hmmm, he’s got a point you know”? went through my head. He also articulates so well the greatness of Cushing. By the time we’re near the end and are starting Blood From The Mummy’s Tomb, we feel Wallace’s agonising and, of course, alcohol enhanced fear of having to sit through a film began by the very good Seth Holt and finished by Carreras.
The intensity of said experience is no doubt why very little is said about To The Devil, A Daughter which follows. An appendix reviewing the first two episodes of the Hammer House Of Horror TV series is a bit pointless; surely it would have been better to review either all the episodes or none at all. Some may wonder why, for example, Creatures The World Forgot [okay it doesn’t have any dinosaurs in it but is still part of Hammer’s cave-person cycle] isn’t reviewed while One Million Years B.C. and When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth are. I’d have also thought that something like She would have qualified. But on the other hand it’s great to see Hammer’s psychological twisters and not much talked but definitely good entries such as The Abominable Snowman and Shadow Of The Cat being given equal prominence with the Draculas and the Frankensteins. Wallace is such as observant and inventive writer that he could probably have adopted a more conventional approach and got away with it, but I’m glad that he chose the way that he did, even if he runs the risk of having some people think his book lacks substance and is all silliness, neither of which are true whatsoever. That being said, it’s a book that can be enjoyed even if you’re new to Hammer or aren’t even that keen on it but fancy a fun read, while if you still have some love for The House That Dripped Blood, whether it’s genuine admiration or just nostalgia, you’ll have an absolute ball. I hope it’s selling well enough for Wallace to handle another type of film in similar fashion.
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