Lockjaw (2008) by Pazuzu

Directed by:
Written by: ,
Starring: , ,

Not quite on the “so bad its great” level, this is a fecking awful! The typical shoddy effects we’ve come to expect from this sort of thing. Some creature features get the crappy effects just right as you can see the makers know very well the effects are shit and use that to the best possible effect. Here, the makers seem to think they’re actually good, when they’re not. A brief opening showing that this monster came about after a young boy stole a cursed pen from a local voodoo guy, and after his Dads drunken episode, the boy draws his Dad being eaten by a large snake/croc. Thanks to the pens power and the fact it looks like a snake/croc at red lights turn on in the eyes part of the pen, the drawing becomes reality. Skip forward 20/30 years, and the boy is now a man and has married his childhood sweetheart. He still has the pen….

Skip to another scene and we are introduced to a bunch of friends who can’t act for toffee. All irritating as fuck and stupid as hell. The dark haired girl is not attractive at all, but the blonde is, and spend most of the film teasing the other lads, however, she never takes off any underwear. Clearly the makers wanted her to and she refused! Anyway, on their way out to a cabin the driver is speeding and accidentally runs over the wife of the guy who has the pen. In a fit of rage, and not actually knowing the pen has any power, he DRAWS all the five friends being eaten by the snake/croc. I’ll have to remember that, next time my wife is run over and killed by a bunch of chavs, instead of phoning the police, or taking her to the hospital, i will get drunk, pull out some paper and a pen, and draw something!  Fuckin hell, where do they get these ideas.

Anyway, as you can imagine, snake/croc thing goes after them, the drawing man realises his errors and goes to sort of help, and an odd black guy somehow knows what going on and has ordered a bazooka from his terribly acted gangster friends. There are terrible scenes in this film, when the black guy finally reveals the true story of the serpent, you can’t actually hear a word he says, he just seems to sit there a mumble, when the husband catches up with two of the party (the two who aren’t idiots) after he beats one of the guys and screams how they killed his wife, the first thing the girl says to the angry husband is “our friends are missing, will you help us?”. Shit, did you not see that he just beat up your boyfriend because you idiots ran over his wife and killed her! Seriously, why the fuck would he want to help you??? Oh, and then there’s the blondes sex scene, teasing her chap in the bedroom, she strips to her underwear and refuses to go any further, its frustrating  Anyway, this’ll give you a good indication at how stupid this film is, the two of them of full on at it, she sounds fake as hell and the snake/croc bursts in and kills her bloke, she jumps straight out of bed, with her blood pants STILL on!!!! Come on!!! AND, in a blind panic she still finds the time to dress herself and even tied her boots on, yeh, like you would!

Stupid stupid film, i would say, don’t watch Lockjaw, instead LOCK your dvd player away from it!!
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

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About Matt Wavish 598 Articles
A keen enthusiast and collector of all horror and extreme films. I can be picky as i like quality in my horror. This doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a classic, but as long as it has something to impress me then i'm a fan. I watch films by the rule that if it doesn't bring out some kind of emotive response then it aint worth watching.

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