And Soon The Darkness (2010) by Matt Wavish (Pazuzu)

And Soon The Darkness (2010)
Directed by: Marcos Efron
Written by: Brian Clemens, Jennifer Derwingson, Marcos Efron, Terry Nation
Starring: Amber Heard, Karl Urban, Odette Annable

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GO8BZF_yNBA[/youtube]

(contains spoilers)

There are two really positive things going for this movie, and I see they feature prominently on the sleeve, prompting me to think the makers of this film had the same thoughts as me. If you haven’t guessed by now then I will reveal, Amber Heard and Odette Yustman are the two selling points here, and as you can clearly see from the sleeve, they spend some time in bikini’s and we shall get to that in due course. The main question is can the two seriously good looking women carry this film on looks alone (because neither can exactly act), my answer would have to be yes, I could watch these two all day, crap acting or not and it would be worth it. However, in all honesty I am not that shallow and I do like a good story and gripping plot, and sadly, not even Heard and Yustman’s good looks can save this drivel.

The two best friends are on vacation in Argentina and have decided to leave their bus tour and go it alone and pick up the bus tour later on. They have booked a hotel in a small village near the countryside and arrive in fine style. On bicycles, the tiniest shorts legally wearable in a non-porn movie and with sweat dripping down their vests. They are both in high spirits, laughing and pretending to speak the language whilst asking for directions, hair blowing in the warm Argentinean sun they have all the locals watching them, men and women. Anyone who hasn’t notice their arrival is either dead or dying. Amber Heard plays Stephanie, the blonde, and Odette Yustman plays Ellie the brunette. Clever that, considering most men prefer blondes or brunettes there one here for generally all tastes! Stephanie is all emotional and needs this holiday to get her head round the fact her dip shit boyfriend cheated on her, but still wants him back (lucky sod) and Ellie just wants to tease all the locals, get pissed and get her best mate laid before they have to catch their 8am bus the next day. Arriving at the hotel, it seems to manageress is secretly trying to warn them about something, but what is it…

This is a remake of a British film of the same name, however it was based in France, so for those who haven’t seen the original here is the threat facing our two girls: kidnapping. Yes, one of horrors greatest assets is the kidnap movie, and that is what is being hinted at to the two girls, however, even knowing the plot the manageress doesn’t really help the two confused looking girls. They head off to a bar after a quick shower and Ellie continues the spectacle, waving to every male, winking, dancing and flirting. She catches everyone’s eye and for the time being it seems like she wants everyone. After being bought some drinks and gatecrashing the duke box, Ellie decides to really get pissed while Stephanie watches as more and more shady looking characters watch them. Ellie flirts with the guy who bought her drinks, and then spots a dodgy looking bloke who no one seems to welcome, surely this is our bad guy? Of course it is, horrors never try to pull the wool over your eyes! A bizarre scene see’s Ellie enter the male toilets after the man no one likes, she happily uses the toilet in front of him and he coldly tells her “stay close to your friend”. Shit, fear has suddenly set in, or it was supposed to.

The film does its best to deceive you but you can guess who is who from the minute they appear on screen. Missing their bus the next day the girls decide to go site seeing, and after more confusing warnings from the hotel manageress (she really warns them this time by screwing up their directions) the girls head to exactly the place they were told not to, a beautiful hideout by a stream in the middle of the country. Well, since the sun’s out and they’re on holiday, then it must be time for a bit of sunbathing (hurrah!!). They slowly strip down to their bikini’s for a gloriously, although pointlessly, extended sunbathing session. The camera pans over the girls like a dirty old man and you almost feel like you should look away (almost). Why we enjoy the sites you almost forget the girls are actually having a deep conversation about their lives until Stephanie storms off in a mood. Just what was all that about? Fuck, did I just miss an important part of the story? Damn distractions! Replaying, it’s not really important; all you need to know is they’ve fallen out and split up. Ellie continues to sunbath when suddenly she hears a twig snap! It’s time for things to get nasty, or so it seems. In a horridly long build up of tension which takes so long you end up feeling more relieved than scared, one of the girls is abducted. I won’t say who, but if you have seen the trailer then you will know who it is anyway.

The abductors are introduced early on in the film, and in a very unimaginative way, we are shown them electrocuting a girl, and this is supposed to make us feel like they’re bad people. The problem is, no matter what happens to the girl who has now been abducted, you never really fear for her safety. Yes she is tied up, the threat of rape and beatings are there, but nothing ever really happens to disturb you. It’s all very staged, it feels too much like a film as no rules are bent and you can pretty much write the script from this point on. However, whoever came up with idea of one of the girls turning to her captor who in turn promises a life of sex and nastiness, kneeing him in the bollocks, running off screaming “NEVER!” like a spoilt brat deserves some recognition. Man, the writing skills of this lot are fascinating! Hell, why not start doing what we had guessed was gonna happen from the very start and try and trick us in to a false sense of security with our beloved characters. Why not try and deliver a few twists that no one who has watched these sorts of films before would ever see coming! Look, predictable is being kind, so let’s just see the two girls back in their bikinis please as I’m getting incredibly bored now!

As the story of one girl trying desperately to find her best friend, and her best friends “fight for survival” it’s clear this film is not going to offer up anything new or indeed exciting. It plods along to its seen it all before conclusion and sadly nothing shocks or even raises the tension levels. The girls acting abilities seem to have faltered with the film itself, and even a so called shock gunshot to the head doesn’t raise an eyebrow. A film you end up wishing to be over very soon, but then you don’t want it to finish just yet as the two girls keep on appearing in less and less clothes. It’s a no win situation I’m afraid. Anyway, if you do manage to make it to the end, well done, you have just wasted 90 minutes of your life which you cannot get back! Damn, so have I!!!

Rating: