Nude Nuns With Big Guns (2010)

Nude Nuns With Big Guns (2010)
Directed by: Joseph Guzman
Written by: Joseph Guzman, Robert James Hayes II
Starring: Asun Ortega, Bill Oberst Jr., David Castro, Perry D'Marco

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKYVtU7G0IA[/youtube]

Nude Nuns With Big Guns (2010)

(18) Running Time: 92 minutes

Director: Joseph Guzman

Writers: Joseph Guzman, Robert James Hayes II

Starring: Tawny Amber Young, Devanny Pinn, Bill Oberst

Reviewed by: Matt Wavish, official HCF critic

This Grindhouse and almost scary Rodriguez wannabe feel is neither Grindhouse or anywhere near as good as Rodiguez can be on a small budget. Nude Nuns With Bug Guns has all the ideas but none of the balls or talent to back those ideas up, which is a mighty shame as this film could have been something quite special.

Sister Sarah (Asun Ortega) has been drugged and pushed to the brink of death and has a vision from God that she must put a stop to the brutal and nasty ways of the Clergy. Seeking revenge, she finds the biggest gun possible and sets about mercilessly killing everyone in her way as she sets off on a revenge mission that should have been good fun. The Clergy hire feared biker gang ‘Los Muertos’ to hunt her down and kill her, a plan that is easier said than done.

Nude Nuns With Big Guns has all the working of a classic, sleazy little film based in the sweaty, hot and smelly underbelly of a dirty stinking country town, but it falls flat on its arse. There is plenty of violence, but none of it hits home with any real intent. And if the plan was to make it over the top and fun, well, it misses that trick too. The violence and gun battles come across as cheap and tacky tricks to drive a poorly delivered plot with some of the worst acting you will see all year. Everything feels staged and slightly forced, and don’t even get me started on when a cast member attempts to deliver a comical line, it will not make you laugh, it will make you cringe, Hell it is that bad it may even make you vomit. There is sex a plenty, but even that never reaches the dirty depraved heights of what it so badly promises. Lesbians are everywhere in this film, and tastefully or not, they fail to be sexy as nothing ever really happens and once we get to the good stuff we get interrupted.

The film is bursting with all the ideas of a perfect Grindhouse film, but the clear lack of experience from both the director and cast cause the film to feel flat, forced and unwelcome. You feel like you are watching a collection of practise runs for something bigger and better. The graininess and ,music of the film do give it that almost cult status like feel, but as I said earlier, it is the acting where this films falls flat and becomes almost unbearable to watch. Give this to someone like Rodriguez or even Tarantino and you just might have a classic on your hands. Sadly what we have here is a piss poor attempt at being cool, and it doesn’t work.

Rating:

[pt-filmtitle]Nude Nuns with Big Guns[/pt-filmtitle]