Humains (2009)

Humains (2009)
Directed by: Jacques-Olivier Molon, Pierre-Olivier Thevenin
Written by: Alberto Sciamma, Dominique Néraud, Frédérique Henri, Jean-Armand Bougrelle, Silvan Boris Schmid
Starring: Dominique Pinon, Lorànt Deutsch, Sara Forestier

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUv9iVRYX_g[/youtube]

Humains (2009)

(18) Running time: 90 mins

Reviewed by: Matt Wavish, official HCF critic

Being a massive fan of French horror, i will say that i was very very disappointed by this. The idea was great, but to be honest, the whole thing felt as if someone was taking the piss out of me, that’s how i felt watching this garbage  A small team of scientists have discovered the remains if what looks like an ancient human skull, and head off to the countryside of the Swiss Alps in order to find proof that Neanderthals really existed. The team comprise of father and son, and a girl. The girl meets a family on the train, a Mum, Dad and daughter, who are heading in the same direction to go mountain walking. The family’s car breaks down, and the scientists happen to be passing and offer them a life. All this does to the story is add some extra victims. Anyway, in a truly shocking piece of CGI crap, the driver of the scientists van loses control, and he fuckin deserves it too. On long, winding roads in the mountains with cliff edges at every turn, you should be focused on the fuckin road, you prick, not talking to someone in the back seat!

They come off the road, off a cliff and crash land in the woods and miraculously, all but Dad survive, yeah right! Anyway, that scene is dreadful, and things just go from bad to worse. The Neanderthals, or lets call them Cavemen, turn up and want to kill them all, I’m assuming for dinner and a chase ensues. The cavemen aint scary at all, in fact, i would’ve probably laughed at them had i actually cared, but i didn’t. The film just drags and drags, nothing really happens. It doesn’t feel French at all, there non if their usual realism, brutality, actual real emotions, real feelings, there’s no plt whatsoever and it just feels like a cheap gag to have some actors dressed as cavemen runaround the woods chasing some awful actors. Why this is an 18 is any body’s guess. Shit, shit film, and an embarrassment to French horror, it really is. This feels like an American director made it and added French subtitles to give it “an edge”. Utter “MERDE!!”

Rating:

[pt-filmtitle]Humains[/pt-filmtitle]