ABDUCTION

 
                              “You’ll be responsible for the death of every friend you have on Facebook,”
 
It took NINE MINUTES…..yes that’s right…..NINE FREAKING MINUTES into the film when we see Taylor Lautner with no top on, chest out, biceps on show, the camera quite happy to linger long and hard in a pure case of making all the teenage girls lap in excitement and delight.  For me with no interest in my fellow man I rolled my eyes and hoped this film could now move on and into the action because lets face it, this is Lautner’s chance to show his weight as the new action kid on the block.
 
Twilight is massive even if you not a fan (and I am not) but lets be honest it really is the Bella and Edward show.  Poor Taylor is the odd one out even though his role as the werewolf Jacob Black has given him a massive fan base which should see his very first main headline feature to some business back but while I try not to prejudge my feelings of hate towards that love sick Vamp flick towards watching this action flick, I have to be honest and say that like Edward himself….Abduction sucks!!!
 
Lets get a positive into this review first and say that the opening exchange starts off well, only because we see Jason Isaacs and Maria Bello for a short period!  Nathan (Lautner) is a good kid who parties too hard one night and wakes up  with a massive hangover much to the disgust his father (Isaacs) who teaches him that “its not cool to drink!”.  In an odd scene which only serves up the excuse into how Nathan can fight all these trained assassins later in the film, his father forces him into doing some combat training which basically means them both beating the shit out of each other.  Looking on with approval is the lovely mother (Bello) who nods with a smile that suggests this routine is normal in their household but wait…..you see Nathan needs a back-story and his suffering from insomnia and…..get this……. rage problems…..oh yes!!!……means that he sees a shrink (Sigourney Weaver –what were you thinking?) who tries to help him in his path from man to boy.  He is also in love with Karen (Lily Collins) the girl next door who and bless him…..is too scared to approach and who she herself does not really bother with which must mean she is the only young teen in the world who does not fancy rubbing his hands over his bare chest.
 
Finally getting what we need with the character the plot moves further on when Nathan just happens to stumble across a Missing Kids website that features a photo of a boy, who looks just like him.  Now this is the crazy part and wow how about this for a plot twist.  The small boy in the picture just happens to wear the same shirt that Nathan as in his wardrobe, damn it even has the same stain on it that appears on the photograph.  Which means two things….his mother is one lazy bitch who does no washing and also loves to keep clothes that stopped fitting her son over 12 years ago.  But get this and how about this for a plot stunner.  His mother and father are not his real parents and thanks to his messing about on the computer, the bad guys have finally found where he lives and…well….bye bye Isaacs and Bello. 
 
What we have then is basically one long chase scene with Lautner running from whoever wants him with poor Karen along with the ride (she just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.  The CIA led by Alfred Molina and a Russian bad guy Michael Nyqvist (yes he from the original Girl With…..trilogy) are all after our boy for no apparent reason…..well there is, but its too stupid to go into here and we the viewer have to bare witness to Nathan despite having to formal training holding his own against them all.
 
There is one scene that tries hard to be the new generation’s Shaw and Connery fight but its awful, simply because I could not believe that a young boy can take on a trained hired killer.  On the same train we have a sort of PG Love scene between the young couple that made me feel quite uncomfortable but hey at least those two seemed to enjoy it and the film just goes down the path of all the old shit we have seen many times before.
 
Its just a very lazy film by director John Singleton whose behind the camera for the first time since Four Brothers.  He offers nothing new and even fails to inject any energy into a dire and I mean guys a real dire plot.  As for Lautner? Well he can run…….and…….sadly that’s about it.  He does more than enough to please his target audience which are girls under the age of 13 but if he wants to be taken seriously then he really needs to keep on the top and show more range because for the older generation, well its not enough to just stand there and look pretty…..

 

Abduction….great for the underage……pretty dire for us older folk!

 

                                                         Rating: