Mega Shark in Malibu (2009)
(15) Running time: 86 minutes
Director: David Lister
Writer: Keith Shaw
Starring: Renee Bowen, Remi Broadway, Joel Amos Byrnes
Reviewed by: Matt Wavish, official HCF critic
This comes from the same camp that gave us the quite brilliant Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, the fun but silly Mega Piranha and the feckin dreadful Sherlock Holmes (the one with the T-Rex and big octopus!). To be fair, this company knows its shit and makes films which are intentionally bad for people to simply have a laugh at and point out any mistakes. This particular outing sees a pretty much deserted beach in Malibu (apparently) get infested with sharks after a tsunami hits, there’s fake sharks and tits and that’s pretty much it!
I say the beach is deserted because clearly the makers could only afford a small number of actors, and thankfully, most of them are rather fine looking ladies in bikinis who sit there and sunbathe. The beach is patrolled by a team of Baywatch wannabes which also has a girl with an attitude helping them out as part of her community service. The films charm will show itself in the first minute, and the scene gives a clear indication as to how these film makers like to present their films. With Jaws-like music, we see a fish swimming along minding his own business without a care in the world, ah look at the lovely fish, we all think, then along comes a great white shark and eats the fucker. Bastard!!! Almost instantly after, along comes a terrible CGI mega shark that swallows the Great White whole! Genius!
Hundreds of these sharks appear in the waters and start feeding. In a quite brilliant scene, 2 guys are paragliding, see the mega shark in the water and panic. Now, if that was me I would shout at the boat driver to get me to shore. Not these guys though, they ask to be brought down to the water to get off! Why is anybody’s guess, but its bloody stupid. However, what it does do is give the film makers the chance to have one of the blokes bitten in half! Brilliant! Then the half eaten man drips blood all over the rescue patrol woman in her little motor powered dingy, and in one of the cheesiest lines ever put to film, she scream “I’M COMING!!!” Ah, if you don’t see the fun in this then don’t watch, but if you wanna drink some alcohol and have a good laugh, this is actually great fun.
An underwater earthquake causes a tsunami and just you wait till it arrives! It – looks- crap!! It’s reported to have been 100foot high, but it looks like one of those waves you used to make in the bath as a kid when you sort of swish yourself back and forward and then you leak water over the sides which cause your parents to yell at you! Anyway, the Baywatch wannabes have a genius plan to stay safe from the 100ft wave. Let’s hide in the baywatch beach hut which is made of wood and has shutters on the windows which will let in all the water! Hurrah!! Anyway, what looks like a tiny, 2foot wave covers all of Malibu which allows then sharks in to eat and the baywatch wannabes to go all Deep Blue Sea on us and battle with the sharks.
Basically, it’s a bad bad film, but the actual production quality of this company is getting much better, the ladies have never been sexier or nakeder (is that a word?) and the CGI monsters look as bad as ever! Give it a blast for some cheap and tacky beer laughs and perving