Mega Python VS Gatoroid (2011)
(15) Running time: 90 minutes
Director: Mary Lambert
Writer: Naomi L. Selfman
Starring: Deborah Gibson, Tiffany, A. Martinez
Reviewed by: Matt Wavish, official HCF critic
Oh SyFy how I love you with your rubbish special effects, wafer thin plots and revitalising 80’s popstars careers, and I also love your use of the word ‘mega’. See, if you have even the smallest sense of humour, and just a mild feeling that not every film needs to be serious, you will find lots to enjoy about SyFy and their ‘so painfully bad it’s just brilliant’ type movies. Mega Python VS Gatoroid is no different, a dreadful film that will have you smiling from beginning to end. As an added bonus, 80’s popstars Tiffany and Deborah Gibson, who have both starred in separate SyFy ‘classics’, go head to head here. The effects are worse than ever, and the cast all do a remarkable job of proving they have zero talent. This is one of SyFy’s best!
For what it’s worth, Deborah Gibson plays an animal rights activist who frees some pythons from a science lab, and Tiffany plays the local sheriff whose husband is killed by one of the pythons after they grow to enormous size. In an effort to combat the threat, Tiffany feeds some alligators with a special concoction that will make them also grow to enormous size, so they can fight off the mega pythons! Hurrah! The stage is set for constant bitching between the two lead actresses, and A. Martinez’s Dr Diego Ortiz to fly a helicopter and shoot his gun (he’s good at that you know!) That is pretty much the plot, but for the films fast pace, we are treated to some great moments of crap movie gold. There are so many (intentional?) mistakes here I do not want to spoil them for you, but a couple I simply have to mention. At the start of the film, Gibson’s character Dr Nikki Riley has just set free some pythons. With the police in pursuit, at one moment a passenger states “she’s gaining on us” looking back at the police car, and later announces (looking at the same police car) “he’s getting closer!” Eh? So, who, or what is driving the police car? A later scene see’s a bunch of locals run into both the mega python and the gatoroid, and after watching them fight for a bit, decide to open fire. The two monsters are fighting in the river, which the locals look DOWN on, but when they fire upon the creatures, two of the locals can be seen firing UP into the air, completely in the wrong direction.
Mentioning the above has just brought another memory back which I just have to share with you. Not that this would be any kind of spoiler, but during the climax, as the mega pythons and gatoroids (yes, they have mated) head to Sheriff Terry O’Hara’s (Tiffany) celebration party, Dr Ortiz (he’s good with a gun you know) orders everyone who has a gun to use it. Guess what happens? In one of the funniest scenes you are likely to see all year, ALL the residents pull out guns and simply start shooting at nothing. However, what makes it so funny is they don’t even aim, they pull out their guns and fire, with most of them actually aiming at the person next to them. Amazingly no one is injured, but my god it was funny to watch!
The film has so much classic funny stuff, but there is one stand out moment that should go down in history as one of SyFy’s best moments. Tiffany and Deborah Gibson having a cat fight! The pair are at each other’s throats all the way through the film, and it all comes to a head as Tiffany’s Sheriff throws a celebration party after she believes she has won. Deborah Gibson, who looks absolutely stunning in the tiniest of white dresses and high heels, storms the party and a fight kicks off between the pair. It is the most fun you will have all year as they scream, slap, throw each other and throw cake and other foods. Eventually they end up in the river where they can get wet and play around as the giant monsters head to the party to eat everyone. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up. This is crap movie perfection, and it works. I had so much fun watching this totally mental film!
The effects are shocking, the dialogue is some of the worst I have ever heard, and Tiffany and (especially) Deborah Gibson are hot! The cast all play it for laughs, which helps, and if you don’t find yourself laughing out loud at, well, pretty much everything, you may need to check you still have a pulse. B-movie gold, and then some! Perfect!