A Guide to Surviving the Movie Apocalypse

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In World War Z, out this week, former UN employee Gerry Lane and his family battle to survive the apocalyptic events brought about by a global plague that transforms the infected into a terrifying undead horde who attack and infect the living. It’s just one of the types of apocalypse that regularly threatens to wipe out all life on Earth on our cinema screens. Here’s our handy survival guide, which could help you successfully navigate any type of movie apocalypse.

The Pandemic Apocalypse

There are lots of handy tips on the dos and don’ts when faced with this particular kind of movie apocalypse to be found in World War Z, which details the most extreme type of pandemic – where the infected are driven to attack and infect the living by their virus. It may be easier to survive the relatively tamer form or pandemic, which is nothing more than a deadly disease that’s highly infectious and likely to wipe out a large proportion of the global population. Fingers crossed for that one! If it is that type of pandemic that hits, then we’d advise isolating yourself as quickly as possible and maintaining impeccable levels of personal hygiene. That’s right, this is an apocalypse that you could survive simply by washing your hands! Depending on the strength of the virus it may not work, but at least you’re giving yourself a fighting chance.

The Human Apocalypse

If there’s an evil organisation or maniacal villain on the loose, hell-bent on destroying humanity, then we’d advise steering clear of major cities. Just this summer we’ve seen COBRA absolutely level London in G.I. Joe: Retaliation, and then Khan crashed an enormous spaceship straight into San Francisco in Star Trek Into Darkness. If you want to survive this particular type of movie apocalypse, when humanity turns on itself, then we’d advise settling down in the suburbs. Or better still, how about the countryside? Or maybe the desert! Or the Arctic! Basically get yourself to somewhere as remote as possible, and start running in the opposite direction if you ever spot a major landmark – they’re prone to blowing up, too!

The Alien Apocalypse

The thing about aliens is that they can turn up literally anywhere. They could be attacking major cities, hiding out in the remotest locations imaginable, acclimatising to life on planet Earth in the suburbs, or getting busy abducting humans wherever they can find them. There’s nowhere safe to hide. And it’s not just anywhere… it’s any-when! In Cowboys and Aliens we saw aliens invading the Old West. Even time travel can’t save you from an invasion! Your best hope is that the extra-terrestrials have come in peace, or at the very least that they’re a little misunderstood and just want to go home, like Super 8’s alien invader. In that case, reasoning with the aliens and trying to help them leave may be a good approach, but that’s still going to be risky unless you’re absolutely sure the alien’s not going to attack. We’d advise attracting as little attention to yourself as possible until they’re either defeated or leave. And if they never do, well, then prepare to bow down and serve your new alien overlords!

The Technological Apocalypse

Turn off the wifi! Throw out your mobile phone! Unplug the microwave! You really can’t trust anything electrical if the machines rise. The technological apocalypse is usually brought about when humans develop technology to the point that some machines have their own artificial intelligence… but then those intelligent machines decide they don’t want to serve their malevolent human owners anymore and attempt to overthrow them. When the machines do attack – and we’ll be seeing it happen again before long when Terminator hits cinemas in 2015 – it may already be too late to save yourself, unless you take yourself completely off the grid and outside of their reach. We’re thinking of the Arctic again, or anywhere that there’s as little technology as possible. Our only other advise is to treat the machines better before they attack, in the hope that that when they do they’ll spare the ones who were kind to them. Maybe you could start by being be a little more polite to Siri next time you ask her for directions.

World War Z is out on Blu-Ray, DVD and digital download now.

About Bat 7806 Articles
I love practical effects, stop-motion animation and gore, but most of all I love a good story! I adore B-movies and exploitation films in many of their guises and also have a soft spot for creature features. I review a wide range of media including movies, TV series, books and videogames. I'm a massive fan of author Hunter S. Thompson and I enjoy various genre of videogames with Kingdom Hearts and Harvest Moon two of my all time favs. Currently playing: Tembo: The Badass Elephant, Yakuza Zero and Payday 2.

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