Despite how serious we may portray ourselves, we’ve all got a naughty side. Whether it’s giggling at a rude place name or choking on our coffee and biscuits at a non-intentional innuendo, we just can’t help ourselves. Now we can take our silliness that bit further with a whole host of Steam games that’ve done just that. They’re cheeky, naughty and downright fun (even if just for 5 minutes), so here’s my list of 5 rude Steam games you probably didn’t know exist but will undoubtably want to play…
Genital Jousting
The latest game to pop up on my naughty radar is Early Access game Genital Jousting where you play a flaccid penis that flops around the screen, jurting rainbow confetti and sometimes penetrating the anuses of other penises. You can even dress your penis up in various outfits. It sells itself.
Bloody Boobs
In dungeon horror Bloody Boobs, you play as a scantily clad woman who must make her way around a dungeon littered with murderous monsters and survive in the process. It sounds a lot better than it actually is and during my gameplay, I found I got killed… a lot. Still, I ended up with a bosom I didn’t have before.
Shower With Your Dad Simulator
Essentially a match up game, Shower With Your Dad Simulator challenges the player to match up the kid with their father, based on appearance (skin colour and hair type). The wangs on display are there simply to add accuracy to showertime conditions.
Mount Your Friends
If climbing on the shoulders of your male friends whilst your willy twizzles around in a 360 degree motion sounds like fun to you, then Mount Your Friends may well be up your street.
Conan Exiles
Whilst sandbox game RUST automatically assigned players with a penis size dependent on their Steam ID, openworld game Conan Exiles actually has a dong physics winky slider where you can customise the length of your schlong. Did we mention the boinging ballbag? You’ve got Mr Weebl (he of “Badger, Badger, Badger” fame) to thank for that
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