Hidden 3D (2011)
Directed by: Antoine Thomas
Written by: Alana Smithy, Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni, Mariano Baino
Starring: Jordan Hayes, Sean Clement, Simonetta Solder
Hidden 3D (2011): Out now on DVD
(15) Running time: 75 minutes
Director: Antoine Thomas
Writer: Alan Smithy, Mariano Baino, Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni
Starring: Sean Clement, Simonetta Solder, Jordan Hayes
Reviewed by: Matt Wavish, official HCF critic
Hidden 3D is a bad film, and the even more annoying thing is that I was really looking forward to this. I actually feel robbed, and I am quite shocked at just how bad this film is. The film opens with a load of waffling by a woman Doctor who is conducting experiments to try and cure people’s ‘addictions’. Working in a sanctuary, which is actually a huge Monastery, she conducts the experiments, often against the patients will, and attempts to find a way of giving addictions a life of their own. An interesting set up and before we know it, and after some well designed credits, she dies. We move on and meet her son Brian (Sean Clement) who has been holed up away from the world for months. Not wanting to go to his Mum’s funeral, he is brought her will which has left him her entire monastery in the middle of nowhere. Believing the building to have been demolished, and not wanting anything to do with it, a team is put together so that Brian can head to the Monastery and see if there is anything he can salvage from it. Off they all head, the usual bunch, to spend the night in the creepy building and as you can probably guess, things don’t go according to plan.
The horror starts OK, with some impressive scenery, the Monastery itself is a wonderful creation, and to begin with the characters are all quite likeable. As with all good horrors, the female’s are very pleasing on the eye, with one particular lady showing off more than enough cleavage all the time she is on screen. However, it doesn’t take long for the cast to really start to try your patience as it is very hard to get past the fact none of them can actually act. The acting gets worse as the so-called tension mounts, and it becomes pretty much unbearable. Not only are the actors quite lazy, but so is the script as horrendous back and forth’s go something like this: As one guy offers his torch, another offers his which is met with this: “mine’s bigger” “yeh, well mines better” Oh please! Along with lazy acting and a lazy script, things happen on screen which are far too predictable, obvious and convenient. A girl falls down a hole but somehow managed to leave her shoe on the floor for all to see. It is lazy, poor plot ideas like this which make Hidden 3D incredibly basic and shockingly frustrating.
The scares do not convince, and are so painfully obvious that they have absolutely no chance of scaring you. There is probably one scare here which works, but it is immediately followed by an argument as Brian refuses to help, and any tension is removed within a second. Even the special effects begin to fall apart as the film crawls along at a snail’s pace. The early scenes involving these horrible bugs which carry some sort of drug the “mad” scientist was using are impressive, but sadly the effects of them soon become so samey that they too lose all their impact. Once some so-called horrific ghosts turn up the effects get so bad you almost want to scream at the makers and beg them to give up before putting us through anymore pain.
Hidden 3D is one of the worst horrors I have seen in a while, and is a huge disappointment to what I was hoping for. There is a good chance you won’t be seeing any of the so-called actors ever again, and a good chance you may not here from the director ever again. A painful exorcise in how to use tons of ideas and plenty of influences and completely fuck it up!
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