TRESPASS

When Nicole Kidman hit that purple patch a few years ago with hit after hit, she was supposed to have starred in the brilliant Fincher film Panic Room, but two weeks into filming she hurt her knee and had to pull out and the role eventually went to Jodie Foster. Now I really do not know if her regret at missing out on the film influenced her decision to star in this thriller but someone should have told her, Joel Schumacher is no David Fincher, these days Schumacher is not the Schumacher that gave us The Lost Boys, so while she signed on the dotted line hoping that maybe this will make up for her “lost role”, I wonder if she really did look at the script.I have no idea why an actress like her agreed to this travesty of a film. Trespass is really bad, in fact the word bad is not even good enough for this film, its atrocious beyond belief, I really can not believe that I sat through an hour and a half of this crap when I could have been doing something better, but if this review will at least stop one person from renting this out then I suppose the ordeal was worth it!Trespass tries to be a thriller like say Panic Room crossed with Funny Games but it does not have the tension of the Foster flick or the gloom and feeling of dread that Haneke brought to his film, what it does have is just scenes of noise and more noise with people shouting and screaming and nothing else, its bland and empty from the moment it starts to the final reel that will only have you showing one emotion and this is laughter. Yes tears of comical joy will run down your face and the quite idiotic plot outcome and after the tears stop then comes the relief that its finally over.

Remember the days when Nic Cage was good? So do I and I would ask “what the heck was he thinking with this” but then his choices of films over the last few years puts an answer to that question. Right from the off we see Cage driving a posh car, speaking on the phone while driving to his secure mansion. Yes this film is not about an average joe who we can relate too, but of a rich man who lives a lavish lifestyle and also has a beautiful wife in the shape of Kidman. We also have the cliche daughter plot who wants to go to a party but is forbidden but sneaks out anyway…..yawn! Yes its that tiresome.

Home alone with their daughter gone, the loved up couple get a knock on the door and soon its a chaotic mess with the intruders wanting some money and diamonds while Cage spends most of his time tied to a chair and looking confused. A bit like me then but without being tied (the wife was not in the mood for that particular game). I would love to add that the twisty plot left me breathless but in reality there is no story to tell. All we have is a lot of shouting which leaves you with a headache.

This is painful viewing and totally wastes the talent of the star duo especially Kidman who stands around a lot screaming “please do not kill my husband!” which after a while you wish you were there to kill him yourself. There is stupid sub-plot involving one of the intruders and Kidman which hints of a love affair told in a cheesy flashback that looks more like it was aimed to be a spoof then a tension filler, I mean how can you feel the dread when you are a watching a young man slowly emerge from a swimming pool while Kidman looks on with a sexual pout…….its awful…….even more so now that I am reliving it!