HCF CLASSIC MOMENT No. 2: The chalkboard scene in BLACK DYNAMITE





 

In a brand new feature on HorrorCultFilms, we look at the scenes that blow us away, moments that will live forever in our minds  and in yours.  For the second entry, Hughesy brings you the quite wonderful and surreal scene in the vastly underrated Black Dynamite……

 

Hughesy:  Alongside McGruber as two of the most overlooked but stupid and hilarious comedies of the last 10 years, Black Dynamite fully deserves the title “cult film”.  With Michael Jai White having a blast in the lead role.  This “spoof” movie contains one of the best scenes of modern times.  Some films always have that “Scene” where the good guys work something out that leads them to the bad guys, but Black Dynamite takes it too the extreme.  Its silly and surreal but a moment that has gained much love thanks to the way its brilliantly written…….you may not understand what is going on, but its a sheer blast to watch………….

 

 

Bullhorn: Man, you guys ain’t had no waffles like these. These waffles are so good, they’re like they come from down South. These buttery motherfuckers will melt in your mouth. Man you ain’t had no waffles…

Black Dynamite:  Wait! Bullhorn, what did you just say? You said, ‘Melts in your mouth’. Quick…

[erases the restaurant menu blackboard]

Black Dynamite: What else melts in your mouth?

Cream Corn: M&M’s!

Black Dynamite: Exactly. And not in your hands. And who makes M&M’s?

Militant 3: Mars Candy Company make it. Yeah, yeah.

Black Dynamite: And Mars is also…

Saheed: The Roman God of War.

Black Dynamite: Who is the Greek God of War?

Militant 2: Ares.

Black Dynamite: Now, you take Mars and spell it backwards, drop the S.

Cream Corn: Ram. That’s right. And ram is the zodialogical sign for Aries. Oh! Now dig. Ares’ half-sister is Athena.

Black Dynamite: Now you’re getting it.

Cream Corn: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Athena, Athens.

Saheed: Which is the capital of Greece.

Black Dynamite: And as we all know, zodialogical astronomy was created by the Greeks in…

Cream Corn, Saheed, Militant 2, Militant 3: 785 B.C.

Militant 2: And 785 is the area code to Topeka . 785 is the area code to Topeka, Kansas!

Bullhorn,  Cream Corn, Saheed, Militant 2, Militant 3: Code Kansas!

Black Dynamite: Now take that, spell it backwards and drop the S.

Militant 3: Snake doc. Snake doctor, yeah!

Black Dynamite: Yes. And brothers, who is the Greek Demigod of Medicine who believed that snakes’ tongues had mystical healing powers?

Cream Corn: Aesculapius, of course. He had a staff with snakes intertwining all around that bitch. They called it Aesculapius’ staff. It’s a symbol the medical field uses to this day.

Black Dynamite: Now, what legend involving snakes is in both Greek and Roman mythology? Now, come on. It involves Aesculapius’ own father.

Woman at Table: Apollo.

Black Dynamite: Yeah. Thanks, lady.

Saheed: That’s right. Apollo slew the serpent at Delphi, which was a big-ass snake.

Black Dynamite: And what, brothers, is the biggest snake in the world?

Woman At Table: The South American anaconda.

Black Dynamite: What she said.

Cream Corn, Saheed, Militant 2, Militant 3: Anaconda Malt Liquor!

Black Dynamite: And what is the slogan for Anaconda Malt Liquor? Anaconda Malt Liquor gives you…

Cream Corn, Saheed, Militant 2, Militant 3: WHOOOOO!

Black Dynamite: Gives you what?

Cream Corn, Saheed, Militant 2, Militant 3: WHOOOOO!

Black Dynamite:: And who else is famous for…

Cream Corn, Saheed, Militant 2, Militant 3: WHOOOOO! Little Richard!

Black Dynamite: Who?

Cream Corn, Saheed, Militant 2 Militant 3: Little Richard!

Black Dynamite:: So, what they’re really saying is…

Cream Corn,  Saheed, Militant 2, Militant 3: Anaconda Malt Liquor gives you… Little Richard?

Black Dynamite: What is another word for Richard?

[Black Dynamite crosses out ‘Richard’ on the blackboard. The gang look down on their pants]

Cream Corn, Saheed, Militant 2 Militant 3: Gunsmoke!

[the gang run out of the diner towards Gunsmoke’s apartment]…………………………………..

Avatar photo
About Ross Hughes 525 Articles
Since my mother sat me down at the age of five years of age and watched a little called Halloween, I have been hooked on horror. There is no other genre that gets me excited and takes me to the edge of entertainment. I watch everything from old, new, to cheap and blockbusters, but I promise all my readers that I will always give an honest opinion, and I hope whoever reads this review section, will find a film that they too can love as much as I do! Have fun reading, and please DO HAVE NIGHTMARES!!!!!!

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*